All I Want Is Nothing More
by Esara25
Summary: What happens when Nymphadora Tonks is devastated about the loss of her husband Remus and decides to take up a teaching post at Hogwarts leaving Teddy behind. Will the pain of losing a lover be enough to tip Tonks over the edge or will she find comfort in an unusual source? Story Split into parts. Part1- If you loved me, why'd you leave me. Part2- Teddy. Part3-Conclusion.
1. Part 1

All I Want Is Nothing More.

I don't own anything. This story is inspired by the Kodaline song.

Chapter 1 Tonks POV.

"NO! REMUS! Wake up, please. WAKE UP!" I felt heavier than ever before, my world came crashing down around me as I came in and out of conciousness. My husband and father of our new born baby boy was dead. I couldn't move I was stuck lying next to the man reaching for him. He was too far. He would never hold me.  
"Take me with you." I whispered. "Take my body." I drifted off again. The war went on around around me. I didn't want to be anywhere but with Remus. I had nothing left to fight for. I couldn't go on without him.  
_

"Dora, can you hear me?" My mother Andromeda held my hand. "Sweety I was so worried! The light won! Harry won!" I cried.  
"He's gone mama." I forgot how young I really was.  
"I know sweety. I'm so sorry baby." She brushed a tear off of my cheek. "I brought you someone who misses you very much."  
"Teddy?" I had been very excited to see my baby boy at last. I just wanted to feel whole again.  
"I'll go get him, he's in the hall with Molly." My mother walked out the hospital door and minutes later came back with a tiny bundle.  
She handed the small yellow blanket to me and I looked down at the gurgling child. I couldn't.  
"Take him back." I said in a small defeated voice.  
"Honey, look how much he's grown in only 2 months." Andromeda coo'd.  
"TAKE HIM BACK!" I screamed. My sweet boy started to cry. I lost it. My mother took my small child.  
"Nymphadora! What is you're problem?" My mother backed away with consern.  
"Just go mama, I don't wan't to see him anymore. Leave me." I hiccupped on my tears. My mom didn't say anything elce she just left the room holding Remus's son.

It had been two weeks since anyone has visited me. I refused to see my child, told my mother to stop coming and completely pushed away all my friends. I was leaving the hospital today and It had been months since I had seen my home. Our home. I started packing up my stuff while a nurse cleaned my space. The door behind me swung open and Molly Weasley was standing there with her hand on her hips.  
"I'm taking you home Tonks." Weasley said shortly.  
"I can get home by myself. Thank-you very much." I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked past her.  
"Cut the crap Nymphadora. You aren't the only person who is mourning." I remembered that Molly had lost her son in the war.  
"I'm sorry Molly." I whispered not looking at the lady.  
"I'm taking you home." The woman looked really good for the pain she must have been feeling. I didn't refuse.  
I followed the red headed woaman in silence from Saint Mungos. Everything seemed so bright. The skys were clear and the sun was shining beautifully over the city. It must have rained the night before because puddles still sat helplessly in the cracks of pavemnet on the old road. I looked down at myself in one of the puddles and saw how awful i looked. My eyes were red and my face was pale. I lost a bunch of weight and my hair was no longer changing colours. It sat at the mousey brown I deemed 'Natural.' I stepped into the puddle right on to where I was moments before looking up at myself. i don't think i was magic anymore.

"Lets apparate here." Molly grabbed my hand and without me protesting we were turning. Landing with a thud we came to what was my home. It still looked the same as it once was just months earlier.  
"I can take it from here. Thanks Molly." I forced myself to hug the lady and act like everything was alright.  
"Not so fast. I'll make us tea." I hated that Molly was staying.  
I opened my front door and walked in. It still smelled slightly like the wolfsbane Remus used to drink. Everything was as he left it. I walked into our family room and saw all the photos of our little family moving before me. I didn't know how I could do it. I picked up a small rememberal that Remus had bought me on our second date when I forgot the first one. I threw it as hard as I could against the wall shattering it in tiny peices. I then went to the sofa and ripped all the little pillows that were blue, his favourite colour. I let out many painful screams as my heart hurt way too much. I turned and grabbed one of his Hogwarts photos off the wall and before I could smash it I tripped over the leg of our coffee table and went crashing to the carpet clutching his photo in my arms. I started crying uncontrollably. Molly calmly lowered herself beside my and started rubbing my back. We stayed here for an hour.

Finally the tears dried up and my breathing slowed down. I slowly sat up still clutching the photograph of a smiling 17 year old Remus. Molly left my side for 10 minutes and came back with a cup of tea. She sat on my couch leaving the mess of feathers and glass surrounding me. Molly took a few sips of her tea before I tried mine. It warmed me and helped my dry throat that had now been raw from crying. I drank my entire cup before either one of us spoke again.

"I can't make the pain go away Tonks, If I could I would." Molly wiped her own tear.  
"If he loved me, why'd he leave me?" I bit my lip to fight the tears.  
"He knew you were better off Nymphadora. He wanted you to stay to take care of your son."  
Molly went to the kitchen again and this time brought back a bottle of whiskey. Remus hated when I drank that stuff. He said I wasn't like me when I drank it but I so badly craved the burn. I needed it now. I wanted to feel any pain except the pain I felt in my heart. Molly unscrewed the cap and poured at least 3 ounces in my teacup. She poured herself some also. I took a huge drink of it and let it slowly ease my pain. My throat burnt with the sweet taste of fire.

"Mol..Molly, I'm..al. I'm never going to find anyone. All I wan't..is nothing more...than to see his..Remus's face at our door. If..If only I could..If i could see his face once more... I would die a happy woman, I'm sure!" I slurred my thoughts to the equally sad mother.  
"I know baby." She cried next to me. "When I said my last good-bye to Fred, I died a little piece inside. I lay in bed and cry all night."  
"H..He Brought..out the..the best of me. Part of...me..You'll never see. He..took my soul..he wiped it..clean. Our love was made for movie screens."  
I wasn't crying anymore the tears had stopped coming. Remus left me alone. I felt so much hate for the man I loved so much.  
"This pay will pass, I promise love." Molly kissed my forehead.  
Molly pulled out her wand and used magic to clean my flat. She glanced back at me one more time then slowly walked out of the door. I was very thankful for the woman but I couldn't find the words to speak. I knew I could relate to Molly, she knew the pain i felt in my heart. I picked myself off the floor I had been sitting on. I put myself on autopilot and walked up the stairs to our..my bedroom. I opened the door. The covers of our bed had been pulled back on both sides as they had been when Remus and I had left the house without making the bed. I remembered the last thing he said to me. He said; 'Dora, why did you come? Teddy needs you.' I responded with. 'You need me now.' I couldn't help him. Teddy doesn't need me. I can't screw up again. I moved my hand over the blank space Remus would have been laying if he was here. I layed down into our cool bed and hugged his pillow breathing in his scent. At last I fell into a painful sleep.

Chapter 2

I woke up with a headache and a banging on my front door. I felt so small. I decided to leave it and drift back to sleep. The banging presisted. I stumbled and fell out of bed. I was wearing yesterdays clothes. I ripped them off and went through my wardrobe. I couldn't find anything. I stopped and swollowed hard. I went to the one that I loves wardrobe. I swung open the doors and pulled on his favourite shirt.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't get to you Remus." I breathed him in and curled back into bed.  
With a bang I was awakened when my door was blown through. I didn't even care I closed my eyes anyways. Whoever it was could take whatever they wanted. They could kill me while they were at it. Everything I touched only reminded me of how much I wanted to die. I felt so low.

"Get up." A low cold voice said to me.  
"Leave me." I tried to pull my hand away.  
"Nymphadora Tonks, get out of bed. You stink." I recognized this voice.  
"No." I cried childlishly. The man picked me up from from the ball i was in and dropped me hard on the floor.  
"What is your problem!" I screamed then looked up. "Severus Snape, have you come to finish me off?"  
"Don't flatter yourself. Go wash up you filthy git." Snape pointed toward my washroom. I obeyed. I closed the door behind me and started washing my face with cold water. I brushed the whiskey from my teeth. I left my hair the way it was. There wasn't any point in trying to get a brush through the mess. I put pulled off my Remus's shirt, turned it inside out and pulled it back over my head. I then walked out of the washroom.

"Why are you here?" I asked the man who had been cleared by the ministry for playing a spy.  
"Not for a pity party so don't you dare cry." Severus led me downstairs and sat across from me folding himself neatly on my couch.  
"I don't want your pity anyways, you bloke." I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and plunked myself unlady like on the couch.  
"Nymphadora cover yourself." Snape snapped looking awkwardly from my exposed parts under remus's shirt.  
"You are in my home, Unwelcomed." I said in a cool tone.  
"I came to convince you for Minerva, I don't know why she'd ever want you." Severus Snarled.  
"What do you mean?" At the mention of Minerva's name my voice softened.  
Severus handed me a letter. The ink on the front was no doubt Minerva McGonagalls hand. I unsealed it with shakey hands and pulled the parchment from with in the envelope. I smoothed the letter and read it carefully not to miss any details. I read it and re-read it again. Minerva had wanted me to go back to Hogwarts and teach Defence Against The Dark Arts. This position had been cursed. I would never last more than a year. For once in a long while I thought about something other than Remus.

"I understand that you can't accept the position with Teddy." Remus stood up and started walking to the door. He glanced down at me once more time before he left.  
"It was nice chatting to you...Nymphadora." My blood boiled. I stood after him.  
"DON'T CALL ME NYMPHADORA! You know what Severus! I will take the position! And you know what...I will break that curse!" I screamed.  
"Thats was easy." Severus looked at me with a knowing look. My face softened. Lily.  
I stared at the mans cold stone face and he looked back at me. We stayed like this for at least 2 minutes. I saw myself looking through his dark eyes. I knew at that moment he was reading me but I didn't even care. I have wanted to be exposed. I lost my friend.

"You never wanted Teddy." Severus said bluntly.  
"He's better off with my mother. I love him, I truly do. I just can't right now. It's only a year." I was convincing myself.  
"I'll past the message on to the Headmistress." Severus nodded and left.  
"Glad to see you're taking jobs from owls!" I called after the man but he had already left.  
I knew i needed to clear things with my mother. I walked upstairs and stripped from Remus's shirt. I climbed into the shower and washed my skin and hair until i felt clean. My mother would look after Teddy. I dried off and combed through my hair and put on little makeup. Next I walked into our room as much as I wanted to climb into another one of Remus's shirts I knew I had to prove to my mom that this decidion was right. I pulled on soft clean knickers and a bra. Found an old pair of jeans, threw them aside and pulled on a pair of comfortable grey mugggle leggings. I wore a lavender blouse on top. I couldn't do it. I walked back to Remus's Wardrobe and pulled on his leather jacket. This was something I wouldn't let go of. Once ready I calmed myself down and apparated to my mothers yard. I watched the house from the garden for a few moments before I entered the warm cozy cottage.

"Dora!" My mother ran to me and embraced me in a hug.  
"Oh mama." I leaned into her like i used to when I was little. I heard crying in the next room.  
"That's Teddy. i should go get him." My mom let me go.  
"I will." I said trying to be brave. My mother didn't say anything.  
When the tears came streaming down my face, I knew. He couldn't fix me. I leaned down and picked up the little boy whose hair had turned from red to purple. My favourite colour. I looked at him for a minute. He had his fathers face. It was all too much. I carried him into the kitchen where my mom had been waiting. The young boy reached up to me. I didn't hold him close. I gave a weak smile and handed him to my mother without looking down at the boy. As soon as I handed him over he started crying. I kept my composure. Andromeda bounced the boy a few times to calm him down. Eventually the baby went quiet.

"So i think it would be best if you looked after Ted for a while." I told her rather than asked.  
"Anything Dora, how long do you need? How's the house? Are you eating?" Mom started obsessing.  
"A year." I spoke smoothly.  
"A year? Nymphadora what's going on?" Andromeda looked concerned.  
"I accepted a post to teach at Hogwarts. I thought it would be good for me." I tried to sound calm.  
"What about the Aurors? Your son?" Andromeda was now rubbing her wet eyes with her free hand.  
"Don't cry mama, I'll be back soon. I will write often. i need to do this I can't stay in the house."  
"It's only been 2 days since you have been out of the hospital Dora." Andromeda shook her head.  
"I would like for you to watch Teddy when I'm gone." I asked again.  
"You're delusional!" The black haired lady stood and bounced the crying child again.  
"HE LOOKS LIKE REMUS! I CAN'T DO IT!" I broke down.  
"don't you dare yell at me. Stop acting like a child Nymphadora." I cried harder.  
"Mom please.." I begged feeling exhausted.  
"When do you leave?" Andromeda refused to look at me. She got a bottle from the fridge and started feeding my boy.  
"Tomorrow." I spoke softly.  
"fine." Andromeda opened the door for me to leave. I stood in place shocked that i was being kicked out of my mother home. my childhood home.  
"Mama." i sighed then kissed the ladys cheek. I then looked at the bundle in her arms and kissed Teddy's forhead.  
"Goodbye Nymphadora." My mother then closed the door shutting me out. I knew i was a coward but i was sick of fighting.  
_

I woke up in the late morning on my couch covered in cheese puffs. I let out a small laugh. I truly was pathetic. I closed my eyes, then blinked them open again. Hogwarts. I would need to apparate to Hogsmeade today and start my journey at Hogwarts as a teacher. I ran up the steps stumbling down them. I had never grown out of the clumsy thing. I walked back up more carefully and pulled my trunk from under my bed. I went to my closet and started to throw all my robes inside I brought some muggle clothes but left most behind. I then pulled on Remus's leather jacket, slammed the trunk closed and marched downstairs. Before I left I grabbed a small photo off of the firemantle of Remus holding Teddy after I had given birth to him. It was the first picture of father with son. I couldn't let it go. Remus smiled up at me looking the happiest I had ever seen him. "I love you boys." I pulled the photo out of the fram, kissed it than stuffed it in my pocket.

I left my home for good and apparated with my trunk to hogsmeade. I balanced myself and walked into the Hogshead bar. Took a quick swig of firewhiskey then went on my way. I hiked through the grounds, over hill and finally I felt the ward of Hogwarts. I walked up the steps of the castle and opened the giant door that lead to the entrance Hall. I took in the damage that has yet to be fixed. I breathed in the scent of magic. My soul for once felt at peace, yet I was still in peices.

"Quite a wreck isn't she?" I jumped at the voice and turned to look at Minerva. She was talking about the castle. I think.  
"Hello Headmistress." I said curly. "How are you Nymphadora?" She took a few steps closer.  
"Couldn't be better." I said sarcastically. She obviously knew by the looks he gave me.  
"Your quarters are on the 2nd floor across from the defense class. You should get yourself unpacked. We have a staff meeting in 45 minutes. Supper will follow. I expect you there." Minerva straightened her back and walked away.  
I dragged my case up the castle stairs bumping it up every step, refusing to use magic. I walked down the quiet hall listening to the heel of my boots click with every step. The paintings on the wall judged me as I passed by. I glared back. Finally at the end of the hall I swung open a large wooden door that revealed my quarters. It was bleak and plain the way I liked it. The walls were stone and the floors were plain dark brown wood. A fire place sat in the middle of the wall. It was made of black stone, unlike the wall which were light grey. In front of the fire was a simple beige sofa with small black roses patterned into it. The kitchenette was simple and made out of white applicances and black cabinets. Through a door layed a simple queen sized bed with bleak white bedding on it. Other than a small table in the corner that was all the furniture the living quarters had. Most professors brought a bit of furniture from home to personalize their quaters. I didn't wan't to, what it had was perfect. i didn't need much. I tossed my tunk on the floor and went through a door that had a small bathroom, it was also simple. I looked into the old mirror and hoped to hell it didn't talk back to me. It didn't. I threw water on my face and let it drip down my chin and neck. I then grabbed the first robe i could find in my trunk and pulled it over my clothes. It was a deep blue. I had been given it by my father for my 20th birthday. I did a quick look-over of myself one last time before heading down to the teacher lounge. I walked into the lounge and took the first available chair and sat still looking at a point on the table knowing that every person in that room had their eyes on me.

"Alright, i think we are all here. Lets get started." Minerva started breaking the awkward silences.  
"We are welcoming student into the school tomorrow for the first time since the war. This will be a difficult transition for both students and staff. We are all in mourning of our loved ones but we must carry on, for the sake of this school and teaching the children who have the right to be educated about their magical abilitys. Voldemort had greatly hurt us but we will not let ourselves be impacted by him." minerva directed her gaze my way.  
"As we have lost many staff as well we have welcomed a few new members to our board. Neville Longbottom is welcoming us as our new Herbology professor, Nymphadora Tonks will welcome us as a defense against the dark arts professor. Lastly lets welcome Magda Levinoor as our astronomy professor."  
Everyone sat in this room for an hour discussing the upcoming school year. After we were finished we moved to the dining hall and ate supper. I didn't feel like eating but i poked my fork into my sausage anyways. Beside me I felt the intense presence of the horrible Professor Snape. He chewed gracefully and sat up straight where as I slouched over my food and hardly touched my plate. I kept my chin down but lifted my blue eyes to look at the man next to me. His face was stone, i couldn't read his feelings if i tried. He felt my gaze and looked over at me. i quickly looked away and stuffed some of the sausage into my mouth.  
"Don't be strange professor, that job has been given to professor Trelawny." Severus snarled. I glanced over the table at the puffy haired Witch with coke bottle glasses.  
I rolled my eyes and continued my gaze at all the other professors, although things were tense everyone continued to talk freely amoungst themselves. Severus I noticed did not try to involve himself in conversation and only invited it when it was about potions. I knew I could easily tick the professor off if i pleased. I always had when I was his student and even more in the order flirting with Remus...Remus. I gulped hard and i could feel tears spring to the back of my eyes. I needed a distraction. It would be extremely uncomfortable for me to cry in front of my co-workers. Think happy Tonks, Think happy. I could not.

"Nymphadora, have you talked to Harry recently?" Professor Flitwhick broke my thoughs. I owed him one.  
"Uhh..no I haven't." I answered honestly.  
"I heard he was offered a job with the aurors."Flitwhick continued the small talk.  
"I..I didn't know. That's wonderful." I tried to seem happy for the boy. Snape immediately leaned into me.  
"You don't need to be an acclumence to know you aren't genuine." Snape whispered. I turned to face him.  
"Nobody asked you. Of course i'm happy for Harry." I turned my head away from the man and crossed my arms.  
"You are so egocentric you are incapable of believing others feel too." He growled at me. I have had enough. I stood up and faced the man.  
"All you have ever been to me is rude Severus, you call me names and take peddy little jabs at me. The truth is that you are inccapable to feel anything but resent for anyone. I will not tolerate it anymore. I know you never liked my husband but I am my own person. I have never done a thing to you." I yelled at the shocked man in front of his co-workers. Everyone's mouths gaped open.  
"Touchy aint she." Jeeves poked his head through the stone wall. I couldn't control the tears from falling from my eyes. I turned and stomped out of the dining hall. I didn't go back to my quarters instead I walked straight into the enterance hall and out of the castle. I was on a rampage, I stomped past the womping willow and Hagrids hut to the shore of the black lake. I slumped down onto my bottom, pulled off my boots and socks and stuck my feet into the ice cold water. I picked up stone after stone and chucked them into the lake creating small splashes that rippled outwards over the still water. I took a deep breath and felt my body shaking under me. I hated this. I was done with these emotions, i wasn't even myself anymore. I lost my ability to change and my ability to be silly and make light of any situation. Those were the reasons Remus loved me to begin with. The rain started falling down at that moment hard and fast. My brown hair stuck to the side of my baby face. Just when I was about to retire from looking for answers before this big black lake I felt a warm breath of hair on the back of my neck. I turned to look into the eyes of a beautiful, yet morbid creature. A threshal. The skeletal horse type creature tooked into my eyes with a knowing look. There was something so peaceful about the creature. I stood so I was eye level with the magical creature and ran my cold wet hand over the animals silky neck.  
"You must meet the most miserable people." I spoke softly to the animal.  
"Beautiful aren't they." I whipped around to face the bloke who followed me.  
"What do you want?" I stood defensively infront of the threshal who breathed rythmically puffs of air onto my shoulder.  
"I want to apologize for my behaviour toward you." Severus Snape picked up a rock and threw it into the lake.  
"No" I frowned at the man.  
"I should have never treated you bad Nymphadora. You just reminded me of someone..In there darkest moment." I sat where I had been sitting at the shore of the lake.  
"Who?" I asked. It was my darkest time.  
"Myself." He said looking into my eyes with his big black ones. I went forward and sat next to him.  
"Lily?" I asked already knowing. He didn't respond. We sat there in a comfotable silence.  
It had been hours of just sitting next to eachother deep in thought. I didn't know what to say and neither did he. We just sat in the pouring rain soaking to the core. Neither of us cared, I could have stayed here for days if it would be deemed appropriate. Severus finally took his gaze from the Black lake and turned to look at me. I didn't return his eye contact. I wanted my thoughts to be left alone for now.

"What's happening with your boy?" Severus said as gently as possible.  
"I left him with my mum." I looked anywhere but at the black haired man.  
"Its called postpartum depression." He said with a shiver in his voice. I felt numb.  
"I know what it's called. My son is better off with someone who can take care of him." I made designes in the dirt next to me with my finger.  
"You're right." Severus said standing and starting to leave.  
"Excuse me?" I flashed with anger.  
"You said it not me, i just agreed." Severus gave me a snarky smile.  
"You are such a git, you know." I said feeling blaring anger.  
"Your hair agrees." He said winking and walking away. My hair? I walked to the black lake and looked at my reflection. My hair had gone a vibrant red. This had been the first time my hair had changed colours since Remus died. _

I woke up the next morning bright and early as I had to prepare for the students. I showered and put on a deep red robe. I pulled my brown hair back into a fench braid and tied the end neatly with a white ribbon. I pulled on my heeled lace up boots and took one last look in the mirror. I hadn't looked this good since before Teddy was born. I then walked from my quarters to the defence room across the hall. I pulled out my wand and gave a precise flick of my wrist and the tables and chairs were pushed against the wall leaving the center of the class empty incase we needed to learn foot work. I then waved my wand and said "accio chalkboard." The chalkboard slid across the floor and i began to copy down my first lesson. I walked over to my desk and opened a huge textbook open to the first chapter. For once in a long time i was feeling confident in myself and my mood. I concentrated hard and changed my hair to a light purple to contrast with my robe. It was show time. I walked with my head held high into the great dining hall that was starting to fill with students. I sat carefully between professor Snape and Professor Flitwhick. I didn't look at either of them but remained sitting with a straight back and my hands folded respectably on my lap. I looked like a lady.

"Welcome students. I would like to start right away with the sorting ceremony. Please Welcome our first years." Minerva spoke in her thick Scottish dialect. Everyone clapped.  
The children were sorted into there houses and professor Mcgonagall made some big, dramatic speech about how the light had won and Hogwarts stayed true and stong. The speech seemed to last forever and everyone except me seemed to be very touched by it. I was just waiting impatiently to eat. I glanced over at the Griffondore table and Ginny Weasley was looking at me with every ounce of dissapointment she had. I began to glare but felt too much like Severus so instead I gave her a weak smile and looked somewhere elce. I then came across a little boy at the hufflepuff table who was so interested in Minerva's speech that his mouth was fully gaping open. I snorted. Quickly I looked around and apparently i wasn't quiet judging by how many people were looking my way. I couldn't help it I just started laughing. Once I started I couldn't stop, Minerva couldn't help it either. She also broke out into a teary eyed laugh, Then so did Hagrid and Flitwhick. Finally all the students were laughing and the entire school was in hysterics. Except for Severus of course. Minerva finally got her composure back at finished speaking.

"As Professor Dumbledore used to say..'Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.' Enjoy the feast." Minerva smiled at the students then at me. I gave her a genuine smile back and suddenly felt very hungry.  
I looked next to me and for the first time ever i could see what could be passed as a smile on Severus's lips. If not his lips his eyes were sparkling with joy. I ate my food so quickly its a surprise I didn't vomit all down my robe. I drank down my pumpkin juice and held up my goblet to cheers my co-workers. This is why I came. Magic is a wonderful thing. Desert was served and I had a small serving of pudding. Once my clothes began to feel tight I decided it was time to retire for the night. I stood up and began walking to the door when someone grabbed my hand. It was Minerva. She had tears in her eyes but a huge smile on her face.  
"Welcome back Tonks." She gave my hand a squeeze then went to talk to a Ravenclaw prefect. I was where I belonged. For now.  
_

Chapter 3

I ran as fast as I could to him. He was just right across the Enterance hall. I was almost to him, I reached out my hand and when he saw mw coming he held out his. Thats when it struck him Dolohov had sent a killing curse straight at his heart. Our fingertips were inches from eachother when we both fell. Nothing has ever hurt this bad. I was breaking into thousands of little peices. I let out a scream that could shatter windows.

"Alohomora" I woke up screaming with sweat covering my entire body. Someone had broke into my quarters.  
Breathing wasn't easy. I clutched my head in my hands curled in a ball as I just continued to scream, I couldn't get the image out of my mind. My heart was breaking with the same impact all over again. Suddenly I was being swept into strong arms and held close. With the feeling of protection I stopped screaming but I still couldn't calm down. My heart beat so fast and I couldn't steady my breath. I thought I might drown in my tears. A hand swept over my forehead and through my hair in relaxing strokes. After a few moments I started to calm down enough to open my eyes. I was being held by none other than Severus Snape.

"B..bad..Dream." I huffed out.  
"I know." He said still brushing back my hair. Finally my breathing steadied completely and he let go of me.  
"I'm sorry." I said, my cheeks reddening.  
"It's going to be okay." He said. I looked up into his deep black eyes. Was Severus Snape consoling me?  
The dark haired man offered me his hand so I could stand. I did so and felt wobbly on my feet. I didn't let go until I felt completely secure. Before my brain knew what it had been doing I slumped myself into the mans embrace and cried softly. He didn't back away. He rubbed my back soothingly and rested his chin on my head. I never wished to become this weak, this dependant. It wasn't like me. Love did some terrible things. Snape led me to my sofa without letting go and sat down placing me carefully next to him. My head rested heavily against his side. His arm was around me still rubbing circles into my back. It was still very early, judging by the darkness in the sky for September it had only been around 4 am. I never knew this grumpy older man could be so affectionate.

"When I went to save Lily I had just gotten there as Voldemort cast the curse. I saw her fall into a heap in front of her baby boy. I didn't think I would survive. The pain i had felt in my heart was too much. I was in love with Lily, she was the queen of my world. She was everything I wanted to be and by far the most beautiful woman I have had the pleasure of knowing. It wasn't skin deep either. She oozed love and compassion from her pores. She was definetly brave like a Griffindore but she would have also made a womderful Hufflepuff." Severus spoke soothingly about the woman he had lost.  
"How did you get over it?" I sniffled.  
"I don't think one simply 'Gets over it.' We learn to cope. I was a mess for months and made plenty of terrible decisions along the way. Once I did smarten up I used that passion and hurt i felt and put it into arts. I made the most fantastic and complex potions using that passion. That is why I am the potions master. I thank Lily. She gave me the love and longing I needed to express myself in such an fascinating way. You will get over your sadness Dora. You will never forget the man you loved but the hurt will lessen more and more each day, each year. I promise you will carry on." Severus was being so unusually open.  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked confused.  
"Because I can relate." That was enough for me I closed my eyes and slowly drifted asleep. Before I was gone Snape spoke again.  
"Trust me Dora." I almost do.  
_

I woke up with the sun. I was alone laying on my couch. I took a deep breath and stood up. I took a quick shower and got ready for my day of work wearing a traditional black teaching robe. I patted some makeup under my eyes to make sure my dark circles weren't too visible. Once ready I headed down to breakfast. I greeted my co-workers with a smile and nod. I sat in my usual seat next to Severus, although he had yet to come to breakfast. A few minutes later the tall dark haired man walked into the dining hall leading his house to there table. I had forgotten that Snape had been the head of Slytherin. He spoke to his house quickly then moved towards the teaching table.  
"Good morning Professor Snape." Minerva greeted the man from the center of the table.  
"As to you headmistress." Snape sat next to me. I didn't know ho to act around Severus.  
"Good morning Professor Snape." I said testing the waters.  
"Like wise Professor Tonks." I understood now that we were back to being professional. I was almost dissapointed.  
I ate my breakfast slowly and silently not engaging in much conversation. I found more enjoyment watching the students below me. They all seemed so enthusiastic about the first day of classes. This 5th year in Ravenclaw was already halfway through his history textbook. A slytherin first year was comparing her schedule with a hufflepuff girl with long blonde braids. The Slytherin girl jumped up and down when she counted 3 different classes with her friend. Everyone seemed to be filled with such joy not even paying attention to the fact that the castle still showed wear and tear from the Hogwarts battle. Classes were to start in half an hour so I finished up my eggs and headed towards the staircase. I would be going back up to the second floor to teach. On the way I helped a few first years find there classes and I also chatted with a photograph on the wall of a Prince Of Spain who nobody knew was magic. I then found my class and sat quietly waiting for my 3rd years. They would be learning about boggarts. i had a whole lecture planned and a fun activity involving a real boggart. Students started shuffling into the class and took there seats. I was teaching Griffindores and Ravenclaws this perios, next was the SLytherins and Hufflepuffs. Once all the students found seats I began.

"Hello class, my name is Professor Tonks. I am your Defense against the Dark arts teacher. I have had plenty of experience using defense, I was an auror as well as a vital member in the Order of the Pheonix. I am very pleased to be part of Hogwarts staff and I truly hope you can all walk away from my class with Valuable information." I took a look at my students. The Ravenclaws wearimg bronze and blue ties looked very interested while the Griffondors would whisper between themselves.  
"So as 2nd year students you did a lot of theory and notes. This year will be very hands on. I want you all to experience real experiences that you may come across as witches and wizards, some you may never come across but it is my job to prepare you if they did. It is extremely important that throughout the year you listen carefully and follow direction. I can't express to you enough how dangerous magic can be if miss-used. Homework is to be handed in at the beginning of every class and I am available most evenings if help is required. Lets begin. Boggarts are an amortal shape-shifting non-being that takes on the form of the viewer's worst fear. When facing a boggart, it is best to have someone else along, to try to confuse it, since facing more than one person at once would make it indecisive as to what form it must take, usually a mixed-up amalgam of the victims' fears. Everyone copy this down. Once done line up in the center of the class." I went to the back of the class where I had a boggart storing in a chest. I used my wand to float the chest closer to where student were starting to line up.  
"The charm that combats a boggart is 'Riddikulus'. The charm requires a strong mind and good concentration. The incantation and wand movement alone will not affect a correct way to perform the charm is to push past the fear, and concentrate on something that will make the boggart look amusing. The charm does not, in fact, repel a boggart; it just forces it to assume a shape that the caster will find comical, inspiring laughter, which will defeat a boggar. it's mind over matter people! Who would like to try first?" I felt so confident in my lesson.  
"I would Professor Tonks." A Griffindore with freckles and sandy blonde hair stepped forward.  
"Thank-you . Step forward with your wand ready." The boy did as told, I pointed my wand at the chest and the lid lifted revealing the boggart.  
The boys boggart took the form of a giant snake. He thought hard and said the charm pointing his wand at the slithering creature. The snake suddenly had no teeth and had tape all over its body. It tried to move but just got stuck. The boy giggled and moved back to his seat. The Boggart then changed into a dragon for this Ravenclaw girl Jolene. she also did well with the incantation and the Dragon turned into a plush toy. The rest of the student had a go at the boggart and I had been very impressed at how well they got over their fears. There were 3 Ravenclaw girls left. The girl stepped forward and The boggart changed into a warewolf. i gulped hard. The girl struggled and could not focus enough to change the boggart. The warewolf came closer and growled viciously at her. The girl started to panick so I decided to step in. I went right in front of her and The boggart changed from the Warewolf to Remus dead. I didn't know how to make this funny. I tried to rack my brain while my heart froze inside my chest. I couldn't screw this up. I pointed my wand at my husband and yelled Riddikulus. Remus then changed into a puppet. I imagined his death just being a puppet show that wasn't real. I gave a relieved laugh and the Boggart vanished.

"I'm so sorry Professor." The little girl said still in tears behind me.  
"Its okay honey, not everyone can get it the first time." I patted the girls back. "Class dismissed, write 4 inches on the process of getting rid of a Boggart." I took a deep breath and collapsed heavey into my chair. I would have to get used to everything reminding me of Remus. I pulled out a quill and parchement and wrote a not to my mother.  
Dear Mother,  
I understand you most likely don't wish to hear from me right now but I assure you I have made the right decision. I needed to be around something that felt familiar for me that isn't half Remus; Our boy and our home. I wish to send you money every week so you can pay for Teddy's things. I know you probably wont believe me when I say this but I love both you and Teddy to the moon and back. Please keep me updated as much as possible. I'm sorry to put you in such a terrible spot but I know if anyone understands it will be you. Thank you mum!  
Yours Truly, Tonks (No I will not be called Nymphadora!)  
I sealed the letter and placed it on my desk to mail later. I hadn't sent my mum an owl yet and I had been with my head so deep in the sand I forgot how worried she must have been. I had been staring at the wall in front of me, same old empty feeling in my heart. I needed to pick myself up. Someday I would see Teddy and not think of how much I had lost. My next class would be starting in 15 minutes. I closed my eyes momentarily. What happened to the hot-headed, spirited child I had once been. I wish I was a kid again, this was not much of a life I would have to live without love.

The rest of the day had gone by with ease. I started getting comfortable in my position and all my students have appreciated my hands-on method to teaching. I twirled my pasta around on my fork at supper and rested my head on my hand as I was deep in thought. I felt quite exhausted. I set myself on autopilot and finished eating, had a meaningless conversation with Professor Flitwhick and Professor Binns then sent myself to my quarters. I stripped out of my robes and threw on an oversized tshirt and climbed into bed. Instantly I felt a desperate feeling climb up my throat. I didn't want to be alone. My robe back over my tshirt and left my quarters. I walked swiftly to the dungeons. A few students still lingered in the halls. I hadn't thought this plan through very well I hadn't actually found out where Snapes Quarters were. i just knew they were in the dungeons. Suddenly a voice boomed from behind me.

" , and . Get to your dorms. Now." Severus snarled at the 6th year Slytherins.  
"Yes sir." They replied and shuffled away into the Slytherin Common room.  
"Professor Tonks, may I ask what you are doing down here?" Severus held an uneasy gaze.  
"I was looking for you." I said in a sleepy voice.  
"Why?" He snarled down at me.  
"I..I..uh" I felt my cheeks redden.  
"Spit it out Dora." With the nickname i relaxed a bit.  
"I don't want to be alone." I searched his eyes.  
Severus didn't say a word he unlcoked the door to his Quarters and let me inside. His flat was not what I was expecting. It was neat and tidy and quite personalized. Instead of furnishing with dark cool colours he had lots of warm browns with a bit of green additions. It looked lived in and cozy. He brought me to his bedroom. It had a large bed with comfy looking pillows and a downy quilt. The colours matched everything so nicely.

"You can sleep on the right side. i take the left. Do not snore, do not hog the covers and do not touch me." Severus said in a stern voice.  
"Yes sir." I said sarcastically. I pulled my cloak over my head and slipped into the bed. He went into his washroom and came out moments later wearing a sleeping robe. He slipped into bed on the opposite side. We both stared at the ceiling in the dark listening to eachother breath. I rolled onto my side so I was facing him. I didn't want the dreams to come back. The night made me feel vulnerable. I scooted closer to him and rested my body against his.  
"What did I say about touching me? You are like a child sometimes, never following the -" He growled in a sleepy voice.  
"Shut up." I said in an equally scary voice cutting him off. I could see the edges of his lips curl upwards as I slipped into a deep, dream free slumber.

Chapter 4

Over the course of 4 weeks things started to get better. I would cry less and smile more. I put all my energy into teaching and it paid off. Students loved my class and they had all been doing really well on assignments. Although I would wear a brave face during the day the nights were different. I had yet to spend a night in my own quarters. It was now just something we did. I would go to my quarters, relax a bit, grade papaers than when it was time to sleep I would go down to the dungeons and curl up next to the grumpy potions professor. There was something about the uncertainty of dreams that had me frightened. When I did have the Remus dreams and started to panick Severus was instantly there to hold me. We had a very unique relationship. During school hours we would be polite but professional. Nothing more. It wasn't until after curfew that our friendship would bloom. Sometimes when he or I had something on our minds we would lay for hours and just chat. He was something I had never realised before, a very complex human being with feelings and fears just like the rest of us. The other staff were un-aware of our friendship because we kept it so well hidden. It has been 7 am and we were just starting to awaken. It had been getting colder and the rain was pounding soothingly on the castle. Snape was trying to get up but what I hadn't realised was that I was not beside him but completely on top of him. I rolled myself off of him and blushed deeply my hair changing to a buublegum pink.

"Sorry Sev." I stretched out beside him. He just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and moved to his bathroom and frshed himself up while I remained in bed. It had been saturday so i didn't see any reason for needing to get up so early. I took advantage of the opportunity and sprawled out my arms and legs taking up the entire area of the bed. Snape walked back through the door now wearing a usual black robe and gave a little smirk.  
"I don't think so." He said rushing to the side of the bed and tickled my rib. I let out a loud laugh.  
"Sorry Severus, but you made the decision to get up." I smiled brightly up at the man who was now trying to move my arms and legs. I wasn't giving up.  
"My Quarters, my rules." He winked and persisted to tickle me. I decided to get him back. I tickled him and suddenly he came crashing right on top of me in fits of laughter. We both laughed until we were in tears. He then propped himself up on his elbow with me still tucked beneath him. That's when it happened. He brushed my hair away from my face and kissed me. I didn't hate it. Instantly he realized he had done something wrong and carefully picked himself off of me and truned towards the door without saying a word.  
I wasn't entirely shocked. I knew I had to tell him it was okay and that we had just gotten carried away. I jumped out of bed and floo'd to my own living quarters through his fire place. Once there I freshened up and pulled on a pair of muggle jeans and a maroon jumper. I then grabbed a black water-proof cloak and headed down to the quittich pitch where I knew the Slytherins were playing Griffindor. Severus would surly be there. I walked down the muddy grounds with my rainboot now slick with mud. The stands were filled with excited students. I started shuffling through the sands looking for the only person who would be wearing all black. It didn't take me long to find Severus. He was sitting next to a 7th year Slytherin boy who was chatting to his head of house who looked less than enthusiastic. He caught my eye contact as I shuffled through to get to him.

" , may I?" I asked the boy blushing up at me.  
"Yeah Professor, certainly." The boy shuffled over allowing me to sit between the boy and Snape.  
"That's a lovely cloak Professor." The boy thought that because he was only 10 years younger that he could flirt.  
"Thank-you ." I turned to Snape and he was looking nervously in my direction. I smirked at him.  
"Professor Tonk, would you join me for tea at 2pm? There is an issue I wish to discuss." I looked up at him.  
"Yeah, sure...Professor." I responded before Hansel Sullivan stole my attention again.  
"Professor, your class is really interesting. I think you are by far the best Defence Teacher we have had." The boy smiled up.  
"That's very nice of you ." I smiled gently at the boy sucking up.  
"You're even better than Professor Lupin, he was quite good but he was lying to the minstry about being a warewolf, can you belive that. He could have killed us all." The boy went on. I swollowed hard.  
"Remus wasn't dangerous , you should trust that the Headmaster knew what he was doing. I brewed him the wolfsbane myself." Severus defended Remus. I looked up at him greatfully.  
"Wow thats really cool of you Professor."The boy smiled up at Severus.  
"I trust that you will not spead such rumors without knowing fact. Thats a very Griffindor thing to do." Severus scolded the boy.  
"Yes sir...Professor Tonks are you alright." The boy looked at me. My face was stone and my hair had turned the deepest shade of blue.  
"Excuse me gentlemen. I believe I just need to...see Madam Pomfrey. My stomache feels off." I had been doing so well. I was pretty mad at myself for letting a 17 year old boy remind me of my loss. I stood up and headed to the castle.  
I was walking along the sloppy ground when I heard footsteps behind me, i turned to look into Severus' black eyes. "Should we start our tea early?" He said, putting a water repelling shield around us.  
"Okay." I agreed and followed the man into the castle and down to the dungeons. We immediately went to his quarters and he started preparing the tea. While it was steaping he sat close to me on the couch.  
"Sorry about , He spoke out of terms." Severus begun.  
"It's alright he never knew." I smiled gently.  
"I'm sorry for kissing you." He looked deep into my eyes.  
"Why?" I asked.  
"because I stepped out of line." He said.  
"Its okay. It didn't bother me." I spoke truthfully.  
"I don't think you should sleep in my Quarters anymore." He stood to get our tea. He came back and placed a cup in my hands. I took a sip.  
"Why not?" I whispered calmly to my friend.  
"Becuase you can't become dependent on me." He put his tea down.  
"The night are really tough right now, you know that. But if that is what you want. I never realised I was much of a bother." I became quite sad.  
"You don't get it." He said standing up and clearing his cup.  
"What's not to get? I think the message has come across quite clearly." I put my tea down and followed him into the kitchen.  
"Nymphadora, I have feelings for you." He yelled at me. It took me by surprise and tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't know.  
"Oh." Is all that came out.  
"Maybe you should go." He whispered. "I think we should remain professional."  
I gulped back the tears, lifted my chin and walked out of his Quarters. Severus was the only friend I had. I didn't want to lose him but I also didn't want to lead him on. I had no idea what I wanted right now but it sure as hell wasn't to be alone. I stomped halfway up to the second floor than made my decision. I turned around and stomped all the way back to the dungeons. I banged my fist hard against the large wooden door, when he didn't open it i grabbed my wand and blasted the door open. Severus was sitting at his kitchen table with his head in his hands. He quickly looked up with a worried expression. I walked straight up to him pulled him up by the collar and kissed him feverishly. He kissed me back with passion and we stayed like this for a while. I stepped backwards and gasped for air. He looked at me with a shocked, surprised smirk.  
"Woman you are batshit crazy." He said holding me in his arms.  
"I'm a mess right now, but i'm ready to surrender. I wan't my life back." He pushed me to arms legnth.  
"I don't want to come second again. I was with Lily, I don't want to fall in love with you unless I know I can be with you." He searched my eyes.  
"I don't know if I can be what you're looking for and I'm not ready to rush into a relationship but I don't want to lose your friendship." I huffed.  
"I promise you Severus, you have nothing to compete with. I will always love Remus but I can't make him come back." I had said it. I made it official. I had to move on from Remus.  
"Where do we start?" He asked.  
"Severus Tobias Snape, would you be my best friend?" I asked the man, he smiled "Yes, I would." He said. I hugged him close.  
That night Severus and I had decided to celebrate our official friendship. We cracked open a bottle of firewhiskey and decided to play a card game. That got boring after a short time and we were starting to feel pretty intoxicated. I suggested we play this game called 'finish my sentence' it was an Legilimency game where one person would start a sentence and the person would search their mind for the rest of the sentence. It was a rule that you could only search for the rest of the sentence and had to leave everything else alone. We didn't care for the rules much. We knew mostly everything about eachother anyways.

"I'll go first." I said in a drunken stuper.  
"Okay, I'm ready." Severus said.  
"It's better to feel pain.." I said smiling and letting Severus search my mind.  
"Than nothing at all?" He said pushing his hair back.  
"Thats right!" I cheered excitedly, "You go."  
"Ashwinder egg, Squill bulb, Murtlap tentacle, Tincture of thyme, Occamy eggshell,Powdered common rue" Severus listed.  
"Those are the ingredience for Felix Felicis." I said grumpily.  
"Yeah you guessed correct." Severus smirked and sqeezed my shoulder.  
"Not the point of the game Sev! Try again and stop listing potions." I smirked that the potions master.  
"Hmm...The day I moved on from Lily.." He said staring into my bright blue orbs.  
"Is it okay if I...?" I asked his permission to look at the memory. I wasn't as good at Legilimency or Occlumency as Severus but I knew he was completely opening his mind for me to search.  
"Take a go." He smirked and let me search.  
I had been searching his mind through his deep black eyes when I came across what I was looking for. He revealed it for me to look at. I watched closely to his memories. I had been shocked at what I saw. Severus was at Lucious Malfoy's Christmas ball. He was making small talk with other people. Lucious held this ball to try and clear his name after the first wizarding war. Narcissa had come over to Severus and introduced him to her sister, my mother Andromeda. She polietly said hello than started going on about not being abe to find her daughter. He was bored of the party so he offered this kind woman help. He was expecting to find a girl no older than 4 years of age but what he came across was much better. He walked outside on the cobblestone path and found this beautiful tall girl with long lavender hair sitting on the edge of the Malfoy fountain. She was wearing a simple but beautiful long navy skilk dress. It was fitted and hugged her body into a sexy silloutte. She didn't look a day over 16. After trying to rack his brain on how he recognized the young lady he knew it was his 6th year Hufflepuff student Nymphadora. He approached her and she said, "Wotcher Professor, will you help a girl out and light my fag?" He watched as the girl stood up and tripped over the hem of her dress falling right into the fountain. Her dress was soaked and her long hair was now changing from lavender to black. Severus laughed a true laugh from deep in his belly and helped the girl, me, out of the fountain. After scourgifying the water from the girls hair and dress the only thing that angered Nymphadora was the fact that her fag was now wet and unable to be smoked. I led the girl back into the ball and found her mother. She shook her head and said, "Stop hiding behind that baby face Nymphadora and join the party, I'm sure someone will want to dance with you." The young girl snarled and plunked herself next to the food table. She was a soft speak with a mean streak. Severus didn't feel appropriate thinking this way about a young girl but he knew right then and there that if he ever met someone like her to spend the rest of his life with, it would all be okay. All that she was was all that he ever needed.

I left his memory and sat in front of him gawking. "That was me.."  
"Yes it was, you helped me realise I could desire other people." He ran his hand over my cheek.  
"That was so long ago." I whispered into him.  
"Nymphadora, I have fancied you a long time. I just coudn't act on it because you were either too young or with Remus. My heart breaks for you but to be completely selfish, you kissing me today was what I have craved for years. I have yet to find another woman with your spirit. To be completely honest, I'm scared Dora." He held my hand.  
"What do you fear?" I asked.  
"I fear falling in love with you. I would die If i lost another lover." He was being completely honest with me.  
"Friends can kiss right?" I asked. Severus leaned in and layed his lips gently apon mine. I felt a current of electricity run through my body at his touch. For once in a really long time I stopped thinking about Remus. Did I feel guilty? Yes. Did it make me want to stop? No. I kissed Severus until we both felt exhausted. I fell asleep on the couch and like a true gentleman he never pushed further than that. Severus picked me up gently and carried me to bed. He tucked me in with care, kissed my forehead and went to sleep next to me. I have never felt so comfotable in my life.


	2. Part 2

"I would like to apologize for my awful spelling and grammar. I'm not using a program that has spell check and I have never been great in English class./div  
"Thanks for reading and please review./div

Chapter 5/div

It was 4 days until the winter break. I had gotten a few letters back from Andromeda and I was pleased to see Teddy was doing well. She even sent a few photos of my boy. I sat quietly in bed reading my newest letter./div

Dear, My sweet Nymphadora./div

I am so proud that you have been working so hard to get yourself together after your brutal loss. I am very excited to see you at Christmas and so is little Teddy. He is crawling around like a wild child. The other day he propped himself on to his feet by holding on to the coffee table. I have no doubt that he will be walking before he's 1. For only being 6 months old Teddy is a remarkably smart boy. He reminds me so much of you Dora. Now, enough about little Edward. I know you probably would love to read about everything he does but I am the curious one. Tell me more about this man who makes my daughter happy. When will I find out who it is? As you know already, Christmas dinner will be held at the Weasleys. I would like to offer this man an invitation to join us. If he makes my daughter happy he will most certainly make her family happy too. I'm glad you guys are friends (cough cough, yeah right..friends!)/div  
"I'm giving you all my love./div  
Momma./div

I kissed the letter then set it aside. Next to me Severus slept peacefully. I leaned over him and placed a kiss gently on his cheek./div

"Wake up Severus, the nargles are coming for you." I teased. Snape woke up and flipped me on to my back./div  
"Coming for me? That doesn't seem right." Severus kissed my forehead, then chin, neck and collar bone./div  
"Watch it Sev!" I smirked. He continued to kiss me all over./div  
"You really are a brat!" I laughed gently. "We really must go to breakfast."/div

"Severus and I had been sleeping together since November. He made me feel things I have never felt before..Even with Remus. I was falling for this man I called my friend and the want for him was so violent I didn't know how to control it. Severus felt the same way. He did what he swore he wouldn't and he started to develop love, like feelings for me. We were mad for each other. The sex was passionate but what happened outside of the bedroom was even better. He was a gentle and hilarious guy who had this hidden love for life. He told me that I was the reason for this new outlook but i swear it was in his heart the entire time. Severus spent a lot of time listening to me talk about Teddy. The post-partum depression was gone and now i just had feelings of longing for my boy. I truly believed that Severus wanted to meet my boy and spoil him like he was spoiling his mommy. I really hoped that Severus would agree to come with me over the holiday but I had yet to tell my mother about him. Although he had been cleared it was a touchy subject. Molly and Harry on the other hand loved him, so maybe they would warm my mother up to him. They might not be 100% okay with the fact that it hasn't even been a year since Remus died but the connection between us is special./div

"I have something I need to ask you." I said to the man who was now kissing my belly. He looked up and sat next to me./div  
"Yes?" His deep black eyes searched mine./div  
"Would you come home with me for the Holidays?" I held my breath waiting for the answer./div  
"Will Andromeda be okay with that?" He asked./div  
"Well, yeah. She was the one who suggested it." I showed him the letter./div  
"She doesn't know it's me." He frowned./div  
"No, you're right. She doesn't but Id like her to know. I want you to meet Teddy." I said seriously./div  
"Okay, whatever you'd like." He smiled and kissed me lightly. I was greatful for the man before me./div  
"thank-you." I rolled out of bed and went to the floo. "I'll see you at breakfast." I was gone through the green flames./div

"Breakfast happened like everyday before, Severus and I were professional co-workers. I brought my quill and parchment and wrote my mother back while eating my fruit. Peryll my mothers barn owl landed with a thud on my shoulder to collect my parchment. When I looked up there had been a letter in his beak. I grabbed the letter and replaced it with the one already there./div

"Take this to Andromeda please, pretty bird." I pet the big owl and it opened its wings wide and took flight. I tucked the letter into my bookbag and finished my breakfast. I suppose mother forgot to mention something in her last letter. I went straight to set up for my classes before breakfast had finished. I was writing todays notes on the black board when footsteps entered my class. It was far too early for student to arrive./div

"Excuse me, Professor Tonks?" Ginny Weasley entered the room cautiously./div  
"Wotcher Ginny!" I smiled at the lovely Griffindor./div  
"My mother wanted me to make sure you received her letter." Ginny smiled kindly./div  
"I did Ginny, please pass the word to Molly for me." I smiled back at the girl./div  
"I bet you're just counting down the days." Ginny headed for the doors. It was true i did love Molly's cooking./div  
"I am. Can't wait!" The girl gave me a tearful smile and left. She must really miss her mother, and Harry. I forgot she loved the boy./div

I began to teach my classes and the letter from Molly had been forgotten inside my bag.

...

Chapter 6

It had been the night before Severus and I were going to travel back to my home to enjoy the winter Holiday. I was excited to finally be able to be honest about my relationship with Severus. I was falling in love with him and I wanted to tell the world but while on school property we had to remain strictly professional..in front of that students that is. Since it was Friday and we had to set off early tomorrow Severus decided that he wanted to take me to dinner in a fancy restaurant in France. I had been spending all evening getting ready. He said it was going to be fancy. I curled my hair and twisted it up into a french twist. I then stuck a little silver pin in it that had a beautiful flower design on it. The dress I chose was a long sleeve, high necked ivy green dress. It had a sexy scooped back and went half way down my thigh. Because the restaurant was a muggle one I chose this instead of a robe. Finally my make-up looked perfect and I slipped my feet into a pair of Silver pumps. I looked like a hot mama. I floo'd to Severus's quarters and he looked handsome. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a black vest. He had a dark green bow tie on and black dress pants. I was shocked at how turned on I got seeing him all dulled up. I walked over to him and kissed him passionately, he grabbed me around my waist and trailed his hand down my back to my bottom. Shivers shot down my spine and I knew we should stop now or we would never make it for our reservation. Severus held my hand and we walked out of the castle down towards where the ward stopped. Once there we apparated to France. The restaurant was beautiful. It was right in Paris in front of the Eiffel Tower. There were plants all around us that were lite with beautiful Christmas light, the table had a delicate white table cloth and the chairs were big and comfy. The walls of the restaurant where a pretty red colour and had lots of rich gold decorations. I felt like a lucky girl. A waiter brought over a bottle of red wine which we shared. I was glad the table was small because it made the whole setting seem so much more intimate. I held Severus' hand across the table and he played nervously with my fingers./div

"Is everything okay Sev?" I asked him./div  
"Everything's wonderful, i feel like a lucky man." He smiled and kissed my fingers./div  
"Oh Sev, I think I'm the lucky one. You have been so patient with me." I meant every word./div  
"Order whatever you'd like my love." The change in Severus had been so quick. He wasn't the same grumpy bastard I knew before./div  
"I'm thinking Oasters." I winked at Severus, he blushed knowing oasters were a natural aphrodisiac./div  
"You are my Aphroditee Princess." I laughed at this./div  
"You're ridiculous." I entangled his fingers with mine./div

"The waiter came and took our order. I ordered the oasters as I said and Severus ordered a penne. We chatted and felt completely comfortable with each other. I couldn't wait until Severus met teddy. I knew the boys would get along and I wanted nothing more than to have my family back, even if Remus was only with me in spirit I knew he'd be glad I was being taken care of. I never stopped thinking about him and never stopped loving him but I managed to find a nice place for Severus in my heart. My heart was quite elastic, it always found a way to grow to let those who are worth my love in./div

"So I have been thinking.." Severus started./div  
"What about?" I asked playing with a button on his shirt./div  
"I'm in love with you Nymphadora." Sev looked into my eyes searching for acceptance and validation./div  
"I know, I have felt it a while now." I smiled back. "the thing is..I think I may be in love with you too."/div  
"I really wanted to buy you something special." He began./div  
"You don't need to get me anything." I blushed./div  
"But its a special occasion." He tucked a curl behind my ear./div  
"And what is this occasion." I sipped my wine./div  
"I was hoping today could be the day you agreed to be my special friend." I laughed a hearty laugh./div  
"Sev, we are already friends and it's a very special friendship. You don't need to by me anything." I loved him./div

"Severus stood up from his chair and moved around the table so he was facing me. He planted a kiss on top of my head then grabbed both of my hands in his. He then surprised me. He got down on one knee and reached in to his back pocket and opened a small velvet box that held the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever seen. It was a pure gold ring with a large oval emerald on top./div

"Nymphadora Tonks, this is not an engagement proposal. This is a courting proposal. I give you this ring because it was my grandma's. I hope that you will be my friend forever. When I am with you I feel like the luckiest man in the world. You are my little song bird when things feel too quiet. You are my beaken of light when things are dark. Nymphadora, I wish to give you all of the love in the world and I also wish to make your son feel happy and proud that I am part of his life. One day when you are truly ready and love me as much as I love you, I'd like you to be my wife. Until that time, I'll wait patiently as the man who gave his heart to the Metamorphmagus woman." Severus kissed my hand and slipped the ring on my finger. Tears slid down my cheeks./div

"Severus, you are too kind." I leaned over and kissed him like it may be the last time./div  
"Dora, thank-you for being that girl I dreamed about by the fountain." He brushed a tear off my cheek and sat back down./div

"Our meal came and I ate my food like i haven't eaten in weeks. i was so hungry but also so ready to rip of this dress and show Severus my love. Dessert came and we shared a lava chocolate cake. No matter what we did i never stopped touching him weather it was a foot or our fingers intertwined. I reflected the past 6 months and felt so grateful for the man before me. We finished and paid and Severus held me tight as we apparated back to the Hogwarts boundary. We practically ran into the castle to Severus's quarters we cast a soundproof charm and made love all night./div

"Severus, I don't have much to give." I whispered into the crook of the mans neck. He had given me so much./div  
"What use is money, when all I want is to have you to hold." He kissed the top of my head. I couldn't wait to bring Severus to my family./div

Chapter 7

Today was the day we would go to Molly's for Christmas. Pyrill had dropped several messages into my breakfast that morning. I assumed they were Christmas cards seeing how Christmas was in only a few days. I had shoved the letters in my book bag and threw it in my trunk. Severus was with his house dismissing his students for the Holidays. he had to take the boats with them all the way to Hogsmeade so they could catch the Hogwarts Express. I was going to meet him there in 2 hours. Everything was so perfect. I had looked down at the gleaming emerald shimmering on my finger. I had gotten some odd looks from the staff as everyone knew this fine jewel to be a Prince heirloom. I didn't care if the whole world knew. I loved Severus. I'm so reliant, i'm so dependent. I find myself singing constantly. I was truly happy./div

I carried my trunk down the stairs and loaded it into the first threshal drawn carriage that had become available. I waved down at Professor Neville Longbottom who had been staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. He waved back and smiled sheepishly. Beside him sat a sad looking Griffindor girl. She looked as though she was fighting back tears. Her family didn't have time for her to go home. Neville being her head of house was stuck trying to cheer up the 3rd year child. Minerva had put her arm around the girl and that only caused the girl to let the tears slip. I felt bad, that was me months earlier. I was so lucky that Teddy would always have someone to come home to once at Hogwarts. Whether it was me or Severus. We would be a family. I searched into the distance once at Hogsmeade and found my guy holding his trunk looking into the window of a specialty potions shop./div

"Sev!" I called waving and smiling stupidly. He turned and smirked./div  
"I thought I saw an angel approaching." He picked me up and spun me around. My light grey robe spinning around me./div  
"Oh you stop it!" I smiled kissing his cheek. "Are you ready for this? Molly is expecting us." /div  
"Whatever happens, i'll be ready for it." i grasped his waist, we turned and apparated to the burrow. /div

"The burrow looked busy. She always had everyone over even though her home wasn't particularly large. There was always room for guests. We were walking through the corn maze hand in hand. There was a joyful buzzing coming from inside. We walked up the steps and knocked once before i pushed open the door. I walked in first and then.../div

"Dora?" My mother rushed to my side and hugged me close. Then he came around the corner./div  
"REMUS?" I cried and broke down completely. I fell to my knees not being able to hold myself up. Severus stood still staring at the man that was my husband. I gasped for air. Remus walked across the floor and picked me up hugging me close./div  
"How?" Is all i said keeping my arms around the man./div  
"It was Hermione actually. She used ancient runes to recover my body. It took 6 months but I'm here love." He kissed my hair and looked over my shoulder./div  
"Severus Snape?" Remus let go of me and backed a few steps./div  
d"Remus Lupin." He said embarrassed. Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Geroge, Bill, Charley, Molly, , my mother, The lovegoods and fleur had all be staring at what was happening. /div  
"You're with him now Nymph? I hadn't even been dead for 6 months." Remus yelled out./div  
"I..I didn't know." I cried harder./div  
"Ginny said you had received my owl." chimed in./div  
"I sent you one too sweety." My mother said with tears falling down her cheeks. In her arms was Teddy./div  
"I..I never read them." I felt exhausted. Severus stood next to me and held my hand./div  
"Are you marrying him?" Hermione gasped. I felt completely ganged up on. Remus looked down at my hand and walked out of the room./div  
"Remus wait!" I called. Severus looked hurt and let go of my hand. "Sev, please, I never knew."/div  
"Always second." he said shaking his head. I didn't know what to do./div  
"Mama.." I cried. My mother handed Teddy to Fleur and reached her arms out to hug me./div  
"It's okay baby." She said softly./div  
"Okay everyone, i need help in the kitchen, I need all the hands i can get." Molly squeaked. Mostly everyone but Andromeda left./div

My entrance into the burrow was less than ideal. I didn't want to be near anyone. I needed time to think. I had cried all afternoon in the guest room my mom was staying in. She held me close like she did when I was a little girl. The only difference was that I now had Teddy. Once I picked him up I didn't want to let him go. It wasn't like before where he reminded me too much of my loss. He was something I fell in love with at first sight. In fact he didn't look anything like Remus. He was all me. His hair was a bright blue and he even had my bright blue eyes. I loved my baby boy. I decided I need air so I took my book bag and Teddy and left the burrow I had walked up a large grass hill and through a forest where I found a fallen tree to have a sit. I opened my book bag and brought out the three letters. The first being from Molly. I propped my little boy on my lap and started to read the letters out loud to my son./div

Dear Nymphadora,/div

Sweety, Hermione did a miraculous thing that she just informed us about. You know how she has been working really close with St. Mungo's, well Ronny just came home today and started having a complete fit about how his fiance was a brilliant human, (we already knew this) but anyways.. Hermione had done some work with healers that had to do with connecting spirits from the underworld to reverse the killing curse. It only works if the person who was killed has been killed within a year of treatment and if the victim wants to come back. Hermione didn't tell anybody but she had used a few friends who were killed in the Hogwarts war as test subjects, Fred, Remus, Moody and Madison. It turns out that the Runes had given Remus his life back. Fred and Moody were at peace and didn't want to come back and Madison came back for 5 minutes but was too weak to allow herself survival. Remus was up and out of the Hospital with in a week and we had just found out about it. I'm so happy for you sweety. When you come home at Christmas he will be waiting for you./div  
Love, Molly/div

I had such horrible mixed feelings. Could it be possible to love more than one person at a time? I had no idea what I wanted to do. The man I learned to love and started a family with was given another change at life so he could be with me but then I have this completely wonderful man who I have fallen for so quickly. He has been so patient with me and I have never felt fire works like this before with anyone. I was so confused. I then opened the next letter that had been from my mom./div

Lovely Dora,

By now you must have heard from Molly, I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I know you are probably very confused. Remus came by my home today to see Ted. I cried and cried. The connection a father can have with his son is amazing. The minute Remus picked up little Teddy he started to cry as well. He said that holding his son again was what gave him the strength to come home. He totally understands your decision to work at Hogwarts, after all everyone grieves differently. Remus dropped by your home last night and said he found his favourite shirt with cheetos stains all over it. We had a great laugh. He misses you so much Dora. I know you have gotten quite close with your "Friend" but Remus is your love and you still have the key to his heart. I don't know how to thank Hermione enough. What she did for our family is miraculous. Feel free to come home early sweety. Ted has his daddy but he needs him mommy too. I need you also./div  
Lots of Love, Mama/div

This letter only made me feel more guilty. Remus had fought to come home just so he could take care of his family and I was off sleeping with his enemy. I squeezed Teddy a little tighter. I felt a cold shiver down my spine. If I was to stay with Severus, everything everyone has done to bring Remus back and to let us be together in the first place would go to waste. No matter what, in the end someone had to get hurt. I opened the last letter.\/div

Wotcher Babe,/div

Sorry love, i stole your greeting. I know you are probably thinking that you're seeing things but you are not. I'm here and I'm home. I'm sorry for the tears you shed on my behalf. I'm sorry I was a lousy husband going and getting killed. Everything I have ever done in life I do because you motivate me. You motivate me to be a better, happier and more energetic husband. I visited your mother today, when she saw me she cried. I got to hold Teddy for the first time in 6 months and I can't believe how big he got. When he was first born i though he looked like me but now I can only see you when I look at him. The hair, the eyes, the unpredictable things he does. I miss you so much Dora. I can't wait for you to come home so I can hold you again. For you I'll give you my world. Remember the thing you said on our wedding day? I hope you lie and steal and cheat. I hope you lay by my side forever, Steal away my sorrows and cheat death so I don't have to live a day without you. Well baby I never broke the vow. I cheated death and came back so I can finish laying by your side. I know I caused you grief but I'm ready to steal away those sorrows and bring back the joy you used to face life with. I love you so much Nymphadora, come home to me./div  
Your night in shining armor, Remus/div

I cried hard. I still loved Remus so much. It was unfair how messed up my life had gotten. My child stirred in my arms. I stood up and carried the tired little boy back to the burrow. I needed to talk to each of the men and try to figure out what I wanted because at this point. I didn't know. I gained my composure and opened the door. Everyone fell quiet and I handed my sleepy son to my mother while I approached Remus./div

"I think we need to catch up on a few things." I spoke softly. /div  
"I believe you are right." He stood and followed me out of the burrow into the cold, dark night. We had to be fast because Dinner was going to be served in 20 minutes./div  
"Honestly Dora, I thought you would be a bit happier to see me." Remus started./div  
"I am so happy to see you Remus, you broke my heart when you died. I wanted to die too." I walked next to him in the dark./div  
"I have to ask, why him?" He cut to the chase./div  
"I didn't mean for it to happen. He gave me the comfort I needed to heal my heart and that developed into love."/div  
"I love you to the moon and back Remus." I breathed heavy./div  
"I will never stop fighting for you Dora, please be with me." I looked into his sad brown eyes./div  
"Don't break our family apart." This shot a sword deep into my heart./div  
"You were dead Remus, I would never have intentionally hurt you. How was i supposed to know you would come home?" I shook my head./div  
"You weren't I just didn't expect you to get over me so fast." He bowed his head. I wasn't any less confused./div  
"Well I guess you have to break the news to Severus because I'm not letting you go. You are my wife." Remus grabbed me and kissed me feverishly. I felt sick./div  
"Remus..I.." He cut me off./div  
"No Dora, you don't get to choose. I came home for you and my son needs his parents. Tell me Severus was just a replacement. Tell me you were just afraid to be alone" He shot me a look./div  
"I..I can't." I felt defeated. "I was at first but then i really started to fall for him." Remus looked so hurt./div  
"Lets have dinner with our friends love. We can put this whole thing behind us." I walked with Remus up to dinner. It was the most awkward meal I have ever been part of. Nobody spoke and the silence was painful. I felt so judged and everyone's eyes were on me. Half way through supper Hermione burst in to tears and went on about only wanting to help. I left the table as soon as it was deemed appropriate and went to my sons crib. I watched him sleep peacefully and prayed that I would make the right choice. Why did the worst things always happen to me? i couldn't help but to wonder where Severus had gone./div

Chapter 8

I had the most terrible sleep, the nightmares that i used to have about Remus dying now changed to nightmares of Severus. It was 3 am, i kissed teddy's forehead as the sleeping child gurgled in his crib. I thought I might know where Severus had been. He lived not too far from from where Remus and I resided in a town called Spinners Edge. I looked over at Remus sleeping on the other side of the bed and I slipped out the bedroom door and down the many flights of stairs./div

"You're going to see Remus, aren't you?" A voice spoke from the shadows./div  
"Why are you awake Ginny?" I asked the red head girl who had been nestled on the couch./div  
"I can't sleep." She whispered. "I still get nightmares too."/div  
"I know you won't understand Ginny, but I have to make things right with Severus. He'll need closure."/div  
"So you have decided to stay with Remus?" She asked in a harsh voice./div  
"It's what's right." I said breathing hard./div  
"No it's whats easy. Dumbledore told this to Harry and it kinda stuck with me.. 'We must all make the choice between what is easy and what is right.' I know you think you are sneaky Tonks but I was there at Hogwarts. After such a loss, you can't just turn happy. It takes someone really special to cure something like that. I haven't always been a fan of Professor Snape but he makes you happy Tonks and there is no denying that. I know the feeling, Harry is the only person who took the pain of losing Fred away." Ginny smiled softly./div  
"I don't know if I have ever told you how sorry I am for your loss." I frowned and then left./div

I walked through the cold December air and then apparated to a street covered in snow. I walked along the pavement with my eyes closed tight trying to let his magic guide me. Eventually after a few minutes I had to cast a warming charm. I whispered "Lumos," and my wands tip lit up the streets in front of me. that's when I saw it. 'Spinners End.' From there things were made easier. I started to feel the tug of my magical core, It led me straight to Severus's door step. I knocked twice and waited. All lights were out and suddenly a window illuminated with yellow light. Severus opened the door and stepped back so I could enter. He didn't look good he had been paler than usual and his black eyes seemed dull. I walked into his sitting room and plunked myself ungracefully into one of his leather chairs./div

"I think this belongs to you." I slid the emerald off of my finger and placed it lightly in Severus hand. He looked at me like I had tortured him./div  
"I understand." He said with the look of a ghost./div  
"If I can't have you, I want this life alone." He took my hand in his, i cried./div  
"Severus, no!" I gasped. He made me feel so guilty./div  
"I hate to say I love you, and that I want you, when you make it so clear you don't want me." He took his hand away from me and turned away./div  
"I didn't know he'd come back." I whispered./div  
"I knew I'd never actually get you." He didn't get mad, he just got defeated./div  
"Severus, i love you. I'm sorry." I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist./div  
"Please Dora, leave him for me." Severus let a tear slide down his cheek. I hated this./div  
"I can't Sev. My family!" I couldn't breath./div  
"You never where mine, I don't deserve you. Ever since that day I saw you at the Malfoy ball. I knew your spirit would never allow itself to be tamed by me." He nuzzled his face into my shoulder then stepped away. "I will never stop wishing Dora."/div  
"I never meant to hurt you Severus. I was ready to marry you." I stepped closer to the door./div  
"I love you Dora, I wish you the best, Happy Christmas." I felt like the worst kind of Human. I cared about Severus so much./div  
"I love you too Severus. Goodbye." I left and apparated back to the burrow. I had to get in before anyone noticed./div

I walked through the door and sneaked up the stairs. When I got into our room Teddy had awakened. I leaned and picked him up from his crib and held him close./div  
"I love you little bean, I'm so sorry I left you." I kissed his fiery red hair. "Momma will never let you go."/div  
I walked with my son in my arms down stairs. I went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle and fed the boy on the couch. He was beautiful. His hair had turned to a lovely violet colour once he was done with his milk. He gurgled a bit then reached up to pull on my matching violet hair. I let our a teary laugh and hugged the little innocent baby close./div  
"You are truly wonderful Teddy." I smiled as the small boy grinned up at me. "You are all mommy needs."/div  
"I'm glad your feeling better sweety, I was worried you'd never get used to having Teddy around." Andromeda came down the stairs and sat next to me./div  
"Momma, my heart hurts." I rested my head on the woman's shoulder./div  
"I know love, it doesn't get easier." She held me close with Teddy joining the snuggle./div  
"What happened when daddy died? How did you keep going?" I looked into my mothers blue eyes./div  
"It was the fact that I knew I had you love." She smiled at the memory. "He didn't leave willingly, he loved us both so much."/div  
"I miss dad, he had all the answers." Andromeda laughed at that./div  
"You are right, he did." She smiled through her tears. " Everyone feels loss at one point. Grieving is a part of living."/div  
"Love is too." i sighed./div  
"It's better to feel pain than nothing at all." My mother said. She used to say that to me all the time as a child./div  
"Thank-you for being so understanding mom, I couldn't have done it without your support." I yawned./div  
"Always! Your my child. When Teddy grows up and falls in love you will be there for him, even if you think some of the choices he makes are poor."/div

I got up off the couch and placed Teddy on my hip. I walked with him into the kitchen to start tea. I started to sing twinkle twinkle little star to the small boy when strong arms held my hips from behind./div  
"Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky." Remus sang./div  
"Did you sleep well?" I asked stiffening./div  
"I did knowing I had you by my side." He kissed my cheek. I felt gross./div  
"Would you like some tea?" I offered. Remus took Remus from my arms. "Wait, don't take him." I reached to take my son back, in the process knocking over the sugar bowl. It smashed all over Molly's floor./div  
"What is your problem Dora? I was just saying good morning to him." Remus's brow furrowed./div  
"I..I..I don't know. I'm sorry." I held Teddy close and stepped away from Remus./div  
"Did you break the news to Snivellus love?" Remus mocked./div  
"Yes. I did." I looked at the man standing before me./div  
"Good. now hand me Ted so this mess can get cleaned up." He reached his arms out. I hesitated in handing over Teddy. Finally i gently placed the boy in his fathers arms./div

I pulled out my wand and repaired the glass and cleaned the sugar off Molly's floor. People started to wake up and fill the house. As soon as the tea was made I reached to take Teddy back. Remus moved away./div  
"Remus, give me Teddy, please." I said soflty holding out my arms./div  
"No." He said. Teddy started crying./div  
"Remus, please. Hand him over." I moved closer./div  
"No Dora, he's my son." Remus started bouncing Teddy to get him to hush./div  
"He's crying. He wan't his mommy." I tried to reach for my son. Remus walked back./div  
"Where were you the last 6 months? You didn't want him then." Remus took a low blow./div  
"GIVE ME MY FUCKING CHILD!" I screamed at him. Molly, Luna and my mother ran into the kitchen./div  
"Remus, give Teddy back." My mother spoke soothingly./div  
"She doesn't deserve him. She left him to sleep with some greasy git!" Remus snuggled Teddy close, Teddy screamed out./div  
"Remus, can you give Teddy to me?" Andromeda leaned with her arms open to Remus. He gently placed my son into her arms./div  
"Thank-you Remus." She whispered softly while my husband stared daggers at me./div  
"Uhm Remus, I asked Harry and Ron to cut fire wood for the stove, could you possibly take some tea out to them?" Molly asked shocked./div  
"Yeah, sure." Remus scooted past me and poured two cups of tea and let the door slam behind him. /div

I breathed heavily and ran across the kitchen to my mom who had the crying boy nestled in her arms. I grabbed my son and immediately he stopped crying. I gasped for air and Luna put her arm around my waist and led me to a chair. Molly accio'd one for herself and my mother and us woman sat quietly in the corner of Molly's massive kitchen. Luna grabbed everyone some tea and sat down also./div

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Luna started tossing her white blonde hair over her shoulder./div  
"I don't know. I didn't want him to hold Teddy." I took a sip of tea patting Teddy's back in rythmical taps./div  
"Why not?" Molly asked./div  
"I just don't. He wouldn't give him to me when I asked for him back." I sniffled./div  
"I thought it was very uncharacteristic of him." Luna huffed./div  
"The past few days have been very odd." Andromeda shook her head./div  
"They have." Molly agreed./div  
"Why don't you pass Teddy to me and you take a nap." My mother offered./div  
"No. Teddy doesn't leave my sight." I snapped the three woman looked shocked./div  
"Okay sweety. I just thought.."/div  
"No." I said getting up and carrying my boy to the family room./div

I changed Teddy's diaper and bundled him up good in winter clothes. We went outside and I placed my boy in the snow. He giggled and played crawling around in the fluffy white winter. I followed his lead and made snow angels for him. Inside my mother and Molly watched from the window. They smiled at the two of us but I knew they thought I was crazy. I didn't feel myself. I felt devastated but I wasn't going to show it. I had no interest in bringing up matters that no longer mattered. I had to do what was expected of me and play Remus's grateful wife. After a long play in the snow Teddy started to get tired. I took him into the warm house and set him into his crib. I read him a story until he was fast asleep. Then i decided to go join everyone downstairs. I sat on the couch with Remus. He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I didn't move./div

"I can't wait until the holidays are over so you and I can get some privacy." Remus whispered into my ear. I didn't respond./div  
"I would flip you on your back and make you feel like a woman." He nuzzled my ear. i felt embarrassed. Other people were near./div  
"Remus, stop." I whispered. He slipped his hand on my upper thigh and started trailing it up my leg./div  
"Now isn't the time." I slapped his hand away. He tried again./div  
"Oh the love I would make with you." I kissed my neck. I stood up and walked away from him./div  
"Love, what is it now? You have been so touchy." He sneered./div  
"There is a time and a place." I glared./div  
"What do you mean? At three o'clock in the morning between Severus's sheets?" He was manipulating me.  
"Outside. Now." I said sternly. Ginny gave me a knowing look as I walked out the door./div

I made sure Remus was following and walked so far away from the burrow that it was hardly in sight. I then turned to look at my husband before me./div

"Remus that was uncalled for!" I yelled./div  
"Well you don't seem to be happy that I am back." He glared./div  
"We were in the company of our friends and you were trying something." I growled./div  
"You aren't the same woman I loved Nymphadora." He snarled./div  
"Loved?" I gasped./div  
"Yes. Loved. How can I love someone so miserable." I felt like i had been hit by a bus./div  
"The past few months has turned my life around. Then just the past few days it got complicated again. I need time Remus." I said carefully./div  
"If you hadn't gone and spread your legs for some low life, we'd be fine. In fact you would probably want to jump my bones so badly because you hadn't had sex in 6 months." Remus jabbed./div  
"Remus these things your saying..You're trying to hurt me." I spoke soothingly so he wouldn't get angrier./div  
"You hurt me first." He was defeated./div  
"I chose you Remus." I begged./div  
"It doesn't matter." He turned away from me./div

I couldn't keep the bile from rising. I leaned over and threw up all over the ground. Remus didn't turn he didn't care. He was the one who was supposed to be designed for me. I felt so rejected and set up for failure. This man may be my husband but he didn't make me feel the way he used to./div

"What does this mean Remus?" I asked, already knowing./div  
"I think we need to take a break." He frowned at me./div  
"What about Teddy?" I huffed./div  
"We'll see." With that Remus strode away. I sat and sobbed and threw up for an hour. It was one thing for someone to leave you unwillingly and another for them to leave you by choice. I had nobody!/div

I walked back to the house and found Teddy sitting on Luna's lap. He wore a huge smile on his face the second I layed my eyes on him. Everyone else was looking at me cautiously. I knew that Remus must have made a scene. I felt extremely embarrassed. My mother looked at my with wide eyes and her hands over her mouth. I ignored everyone and picked up my lovely boy and smiled lovingly at him. That's when it came up. I ran to the washroom and threw up what was the 5th time. Once I was done being sick I walked into the kitchen and Molly brought me over a small vile of potion. I assumed it was a sickness potion. I took a huge gulp of the solution and a minute later I started glowing blue. My mother and Molly started crying and Hermione and Luna were wide eyed and frozen./div

I'm Pregnant... 


	3. Part 3

Chapter 9

I had the worst christmas and an even worst New Year. Remus hadn't talked to me since he had left me except for when he came to pick up Teddy. It was now march and I took 2 months off work to get myself together. I felt a horrible pain in my heart as I sat in my mother kitchen back at her home. I decided I was still going to go back to Hogwarts, I couldn't sit around the house being sad forever. I was really annoyed at how Remus dealt with our situation. I didn't feel like I could be completely at fault with what I had done and in the end when i chose him, he chose to leave me. It wasn't my fault that I tried to find love again, I thought it was what he would have wanted if he had been dead. Which i thought he was. I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be alone. I went to the drugstore this morning to purchase a muggle pregnancy test. It was true, I was preganant and the child was Severus's. I hadn't decided what I was going to do yet, should i tell him or should I relieve him of stress and just raise my baby how I wanted with Teddy as a big brother? A knock came to my door and it was Hermione and Luna.  
"Wotcher Hermione, Luna!" I said answering the door, the girls came in.  
"How are you doing?" Luna asked sweetly.  
"I'm okay" I said truthfully.  
"Have you talked to Remus?" Hermione took of her cloak and sat down in a kitchen chair.  
"No, I haven't." I frowned.  
"I..I spoke to him." Hermione reached out and touched my hand.  
"Have you?" i became interested.  
"Yeah." Hermione shook her head. "I'm sorry for interfering in deaths tidy work."  
"Don't blame yourself Hermione, what did he say?" Hermione and Luna looked at each other.  
"Uhh. It isn't too important." Hermione broke eye contact and looked nervous.  
"Trust me Tonks, You don't need him." Luna smiled meakly.  
"Spit it out lady!" I demanded to Hermione.  
"Last I heard he sold your home and moved to France, he is also dating someone." Hermione's words stung.  
"Who?" I asked as calm as possible.  
"Her name is Emilie. She's a muggle. Pretty girl she is but not as pretty as you of course." Hermione said sheepishly.  
"Describe her to me?" I closed my eyes and let the girls speak.  
"She's 27, blonde, she is an animal enthusiast. She's a horse trainer and she also knows Remus is a warewolf. They are planning on getting engaged."  
"She sounds lovely!" I snarled.  
"I heard horse enthusiasts are crazy, I bet she's not all he said she is." Luna tried to make me feel better.  
"Does she have kids?" I asked.  
"Well... that's the thing... Emilie is pregnant with his child." Hermione frowned.  
"Oh, okay. I understand." I rolled my eyes and then changed the subject.  
"Are you excited to see Teddy when he wakes up from his nap?" I aksed them smiling.  
"Am I ever!" Luna smiled her beautiful smile.  
"I can't believe he's walking Tonks, thats great for being 10 months old!" Hermione smiled.  
"I can't thank you ladies enough for taking him for the day. He will be so excited to play with his aunties." I smiled.  
"No problem at all! Ron has to work today anyways." Hermione smiled at the thought of her man.  
"And Neville is teaching so I only see him weekends." Luna was proud of her new addition. They started dating at the end of January.  
"Perfect. I'll go get Teddy now, he should be done napping." I stood.  
I went up the stairs of my mothers home and into Teddy's room. I picked up the small child who had awakened. He was getting so big. I was going into Scotland with my mother today to start looking for flats for myself and Teddy. I was done hoping that Remus would come back to me. I needed a space just for me and my little family. I decided to look in Hogsmeade. It wasn't my first choice but it is close enough to Hogwarts that I can set up a floo connection and arrive home every night after teaching. I had asked Minerva's permission and she was okay with it. I would have to get a babysitter and although id like to use my mother I didn't want to leave Teddy again. Not after he has gotten so used to having mummy around. I walked down the stairs and placed one squirming Teddy with green hair on the floor. He wobbled on the spot for a few seconds then started walking with his arms out towards Luna. She picked him up and praised him. Hermione kept feeling her own stomache. She was only a month pregant but she was so excited. Her wedding was next month. It wasn't supposed to be until june but after getting pregant they decided to push it ahead so Hermione would still fit into the dress she bought. That moment my mother walked through the door carrying a few shopping bags.

"Dora, i bought the cutest little outfit for Teddy today." She set down her bags and pulled out a sweet little robe designed for a baby. It was orange and had a hood.  
"Oh my! Isn't that the cutest little robe!" I smiled "Thanks, grandma." I said winking. My mother hated the name.  
"I bought you someting too." She then lifted a beautiful mauve robe for me.  
"Mom, wow this is beautiful." I felt the silky material.  
"I was hoping maybe it will be good luck when looking for homes today." She smiled sweetly at me then kissed Teddy's head.  
"Hello girls, how are you?" My mother noticed Hermione and Luna.  
"Hello Mrs. Tonks. We are great. Happy to spend the day with little Teddy." Hermione smiled.  
"Perfect! Dora, put your robe on so we can get going." Andromeda demanded,  
I slipped the robe over my head and felt beautiful, it was by far the prettiest robe I owned. the silk was just thin enough that you could see my slight bump on my stomach. I was now 4 months pregnant. I still got sick quite a bit but I finally knew the things that triggered it and if i avoided it id be fine. I smiled at the girls kissed Teddy and left with my mother. We apparated into the town of hogsmeade and started looking through homes. The first one we looked at was just outside Hogsmeade and was too big for my liking. It had 4 bedrooms and was 2 stories. It was a traditional wizarding home but I wasn't a fan, besides it was way over my price range. The second house we looked in was right in Hogsmeade but it didn't have a floo network so that out of the options. The third house we looked at was an apartment above the store 'Dervish And Banges' that repairs broken magical items. It was a good size for me and had 2 bedrooms. The apartment was cozy and had a large fireplace with exposed brick walls. I totally loved the place and I thought Teddy would like it as well.

"How much are the owners asking?" I asked the realitor. A younger goblin.  
"This one will be 245,000 galleons." He said looking me up and down. I looked at my mother for her opinion.  
"I think its a beautiful little space, do you think it is big enough for you, Teddy and the baby?" Andromeda rubbed her chi as she looked around.  
"Yes i think it will do, I'll take it." I said to the Goblin who used his wand to summon ownership papers.  
"Please sign here, here, here, here, and here. Initial here, here and here." The goblin pointed to several places in the print.  
"Congradulations Sweety." Andromeda kissed my cheek while i read and signed the papers.  
"Well Ms. Tonks, you are now the owner of this home. All payments can be made to Gringotts." He smirked and disapeared.  
I smiled with joy. I was the official owner of a beautiful new home in Hogsmeade. My mother and I decided to decorate right away. We decided to use Magic to paint Teddy and the baby's room a nice light blue. We bought a big boy bed for Teddy that he could use once he outgrows his crib, by then the baby would be born and could use Teddy's old crib. The wood on the twin bed was the same dark brown that matched Teddys crib. We put pictures of Hippogriffs on his walls and moving pictures of Myself holding him the day he was born and also a picture of me, Andromeda and Teddy playing in the snow. The room was coming together nicely. I painted my room a cream colour and decorated the walls with pictures of red, pink and yellow roses. On my nightstand I placed a small picture frame with Teddy in a baby swing, swinging back and fourth with a huge smile like a metranome. I also had an assortment of candles and a wardrobe that held all my robes and cloaks. I left the kitchen simple and only included thing we needed such as a highchair and table with 3 chairs. I purposely only bought 3. The living room had brick walls all around. The windows had long navy curtains that had been tied at the sides to let in light. The couch was small and also navy blue. We placed a light brown coffee table in the center of the floor and my mom bought me a lovely painting of Hogwarts very own womping willow that I placed above the fire place. The tree would even move in its frame. It was stunning. I also had plenty of photos of my family on the walls throughout the home. I loved my new little set up and I was so excited to show it to Teddy. I would be starting back at Hogwarts Monday so that gave us the weekend to find a babysitter as well as move all our belongings over.

Chapter 10

It was Monday morning and I was getting ready to leave for work. Angelica, a 56 year old witch had agreed to nanny Teddy. She had kids of her own who were all grown up and moved out so she was starting to feel like an empty nester. She was a lovely woman and reminded me so much of my own mother. I was excited to hear about Teddy's first day with the woman when I arrived home. I finished eating my breakfast, kissed Teddy goodbye then threw some black powder into the fire causing green fames to glow inside. "Hogwarts." I said clearly. Two minutes later i stumbled out of the fire in the great hall and walked towards the staircase to get to the 2nd floor where I would teach my DADA class. That was when i saw him. He was leaving the dining hall and didn't look well. He laid his eyes on me and we both froze. After about 20 seconds of my heart jumping out of my chest, He turned and walked towards the dungeons. I didn't realize how much I had longed for the man. No i couldn't think this way. I have come so far. I practically ran to my class and started writing my lesson on the black board.  
My classes went by quickly and before I knew it, it was lunch break. I walked slowly into the dining hall being sure to take my time. I found my usual seat next to Severus, my old lover and sat down without grace. It was the most uncomfotable first day. None of the staff talked amongst eachother but everyone had known about Remus and I, oh yeah! and Severus. I munched on my food slowly feeling totally awkward. I looked over at the Griffondor table and Ginny sent me an apologetic look. I returned it with a smile and continued to eat. Ginny was young but I should have listened to her that night I gave Severus his ring back. If I had just admitted that I was in love with Severus in the first place I wouldnt be alone. It's okay though, I had Teddy. Pretty soon my tummy would be showing even more and questions would be asked. I decided that I would keep this baby's father a secret and that the father himself, Severus, would know and that it was his desision on what he wanted to do. I finished my lunch quickly and right away returned to my class avoiding the man I had broken. I really was clumsy, even when it came to peoples feelings apparently. I taught two more classes than quickly went down to the enterance hall where I floo'd home.  
"Teddy!" I smiled holding my arms open when I landed in my living room. The small boy walked wobbly on his feet into my arms. His hair was magenta and he was wearing the orange robe my mother had bought him.  
"How did it go today Angelica?" I asked the greying witch.  
"He was such a sweety! He happily sat in the stroller as we walked around Hogsmeade. We found a sand pit across town that he had fun digging in. It was great until he tried to eat it." The woman adored my boy. I laughed at her comment.  
"Little Teddy tries to put everything in his mouth." I picked up and squeezed my baby boy.  
"You really are a lucky lady Nymphadora, he's a smart little guy." I smiled at this.  
"Thanks Angie, see you tomorrow." The Witch smiled and exited through my floo.  
"Well Teddy what do you say we give you a can of your babyfood while mommy makes herself some pasta?" I looked down at the little boy playing with one of his stuffed dragons on the floor.  
I picked up teddy and put him in his high chair, together we ate our meals. Although he smushed most of his food in his colourful hair, eating with my son beats eating dinner in that Dining hall any day. After we finished I washed the dishes and gave Teddy a bath. After he was all cleaned up he had tired himself all out. I put him in a cute pair of yellow sleepers and tucked him in his crib, he didn't even cry anymore when I put him to bed. Once i was alone, I had a bath and curled up on the couch with parchment and a quill.

Dear Mom,  
Ted and I are settling in well to our new home. teddy seems to like his new nanny. Her name is Angelica and she is a very kind, older woman. She has a husband named Neill. He works at the Repair shop below my apartment so its nice for her to be close to him while watching Teddy. My first day at Hogwarts was what I expected it to be. Awkward. I feel like the worst human when I'm around Severus. The thing i hate the most is that he doesn't even hate me. It stings a lot. I wish I could be closer to you but I think having a place in Hogsmeade was by far the best decision i have had in a while. Teddy just went to bed and he was all tuckered out from a long play. I'm pretty tired also. Please send an owl soon!  
I love you Momma. xoxo, Tonks.  
I left my letter on the coffee table, i would take it to hogwarts tomorrow and find an owl to borrow that I would use to send it. I sat up and decided to go to bed. I walked into my room, pulled back the sheets and fell asleep.

The past week was by far the toughest. I didn't feel very welcome in the Castle that used to be my safe place. I had really hurt Severus and it shows. It was Friday night and Remus was coming over to take Teddy for the weekend. We had made a custody agreement that Remus could take Teddy on weekends. Surprisingly enough he was good with that. I didn't know how I felt about meeting Remus's new girl friend but that wasn't an option for me. I packed Teddy's diaper bag and put some muggle baby clothes in a backpack for Remus to take. Once I made sure Teddy had everything he needed for the weekend I fed him dinner in his high chair.

"Well , daddy is coming to take you for the weekend, what do you think?" I put a spoonful of mushy vergitables on a spoon and fed them to the boy.  
"I don't know what I am going to do without you." I wiped some food off the boys chin.  
Once Teddy was finished eating his dinner I picked him up out of his chair and grabbed all his bags. I threw floo powder into the fire place and said, "Diagon Alley." Very clearly. With in seconds I was in Ollivanders floo. I stepped out, gave the man a polite nod and walked in to the streets. I then walked with Teddy weighing me down into the 'Leaky Caldron.' Sitting at a small table in the back of the bar was Remus, snuggled up on his arm was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She was shorter than me but had beautiful, shoulder legnth, wavy, blonde hair. Her face looked porcealin like something you might see on a doll and her eyes were grey like the sky. Before they noticed me the beautiful girl was laughing at something the older man had said. She kissed his cheek sweetly and my heart felt like it fell through to my stomach. I approached the table with my blue haired baby and the couple looked over.

"Oh my, this must be Teddy!" The beautiful woman smiled showing the whitest, straightest teeth I have ever seen.  
"It is." I forced myself to smile, it looked more like I was in pain..which I was.  
"Nymphadora, this is my fiance Emilie." The woman reached over the table and stretched out her snow white hand that wore a beautiful heirloom.  
"Good to meet you." I said awkwardly stretching my arm out dropping Teddy's bags.  
"Oh dear, let me help you." Emilie slid out of the booth and started picking up my bags. Not only was she beautiful, she was very kind.  
"Nymphadora has always been the clumsy sort." Remus smirked.  
"Don't call me Nymphadora." My hair changed to a bright red. Remus glared holding his arms out for Teddy.  
"We better let you get on with your night..Tonks." Remus took my boy from my arms and gave him a cuddle. I handed the bags to Emilie who wanted to help,  
"I packed Teddy all the food he will need for the weekend. You need to be sure to change him every hour if you can, his diaper rash gets pretty bad if left too long." I was worried about leaving my son.  
"We got it." He said tickling our little boy.  
"Okay.. well then..I will see you on Sunday evening then." I said feeling a wave of saddness burden me.  
"Sure, Take care Dora." Remus looked at me with pitty.  
"It was good to meet you." Emilie gave me a sheepish grin then walked away with my ex-husband and son.  
"I love you Teddy!" I whispered looking at the young boys blue eyes staring at me over his fathers shoulder. Then they left.  
I left the bar and walked around Diagon Alley for a bit before I completely broke down clutching my unborn child. I didn't want to share Teddy and to make it even worst I had to share him with a man who rejected me. I hoped Severus would never find out that this child was his. I wanted to do right by this one. Learn from the misstakes I made with Teddy.

I took the floo back home and flopped down on the couch. Pecking at my window was Pyrill, I opened the window and let in the big bird. I pulled the letter from its beak and then took a second look at him. That's what I need, an owl! I wondered why I hadn't thought of it earlier. Once Teddy goes to school he could use the owl to pass letters back and forth or even once he learns to read, all his friends would recieve letters. It was a splended idea. Tomorrow I would buy an owl. I pet Pyrill then gave him a treat before he flew into the night. I unfloded the creased letter and began to read.

Dear Dora,  
I am pleased to hear you are settled in your new home. I really miss you and little Teddy. I know it is a long way from now but I would love to have you come stay with me during the summer vacation. It could be fun! Just think once that baby is ready to come out you are not going to want to be alone. Molly also has been coming over often, you wouldn't want to miss out on her baked goods. Love you my little button, tell Ted that grandma loves him too.  
XOXO- Mom I smiled at my letter and fell asleep curled up on the couch, Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

I woke up bright and early and threw on a purple cloak. I knew I had to be at Hogwarts later this evening for tutoring my students who weren't quite getting the material so I had to be quick. I ran to my floo right as stores were beginning to open and flew some powder into the fireplace "Diagon Alley." I spoke clearly. I chose to go to Diagon Alley knowing that my students would be walking the streets of Hogsmeade on a weekend. I ended up in Broomstix, the beautiful broom shop. I greeted other shoppers and made my way down the street to 'Eeylops Owl Emporium.' Once inside I was amazed. I have never owned my own owl so this experience was going to be another remarkable first. I looked through the cages and cages of owls until i layed my eyes on this beautiful Brown Owl. Its eyes were a wonderful hazel colour and it had something so gentle about it. I decided that Id buy her. I took the cage up to the front counter to pay for my new owl. I also bought some owl nuts.  
"Is this the one you's like?" A greying wizard asked me.  
"Yes, she's the one." I said smiling up at him.  
"She's a little small, are you sure you wan't this one?" He looked over the bird.  
"I definetly want her." I grew impatient.  
"That will be 10 galleons." He said. I handed him the money.  
"What do you call her?" I asked the old man. He narrowed his eyes at the little bird.  
"Marnie, her eyes are the same colour as my wife." He giggled to himself.  
"Thanks sir." I smiled at the bird, "Well Marnie, shall we take you home?" I loved my new owl. Teddy would be thrilled.  
_

Chapter 11

It was a hot August morning and I couldn't seem to get away from the heat. Teddy was almost 15 months and had said his first words. He was becoming bigger and way more eneretic. His very first word at 13 months was Mama, which made me so happy. His second word was 'wand' which had made me laugh. He was a smart boy and I got to spend all my time with him now that Hogwarts was out for summer break. I tried to waddle after him but the child inside me was just about ready to break free so I had been staying with my mother back in London. Marnie came through the window flapping her wings and perched on top of Andromeda's book case next to Pyrill.

"Mama, Maree, Maree!" Teddy pointed at the brown owl.  
"Yes Teddy, it's Marnie, should we read the letter she brought us?" I pulled the small boy up on my lap and adjusted him around my big tummy while my mother brought me the letter.  
"It's from Molly." She stated.  
"How'd you know?" I asked her unsealing the parchment.  
"I know her hand. We have become great friends." She smiled to herself. I read the letter.  
"Molly has invited us all to dinner tonight at the burrow." I looked up at my mother.  
"That's lovely of her, are you feeling up to it?" My mother knew I didn't like visiting, I didn't want anyone to relay the message back to Severus that I was heavily pregant with his child.  
"Yeah, i think that sounds lovely." I smiled down at Teddy who was beaming.  
"Mama, sitter!" Teddy smiled touching my belly.  
"No Teddy you can join us, you don't need a babysitter." I kissed the boys hair.  
"No. Mama! Sitter." Teddy then started rubbing my buldging stomache.  
"Sister? You think the baby is a girl Teddy?" I looked down at my belly. "I don't know, i think it might be a little boy, just like you."  
"No! Sitter." Teddy then leaned in so his ear was right on my tummy.  
"I guess we will see when she decides to join the world." I lowered Teddy off my lap and went to the kitchen to grab parchement so i could write Molly a quick response.  
We went to the muggle park with Teddy and he played on the baby swings then we had to wash up for dinner that night at Mollys. I had a long warm bath that felt great. The baby was kicking a lot and it became really uncomfortable. I had troubles getting out of the bath then i threw on the only robe that fit me still. A big black one that Severus had left in my quarters. I felt very weird wearing it but it had been my go-to so i didn't need to buy new clothes. When I was pregnant with Teddy I wasn't nearly this big. Most of my robes i could still slip on. I walked down my mothers stairs and arrived in her living room. She was with Teddy feeding Pyrill and Marnie nuts. Andromeda picked up Teddy and threw powder in the fire. "The burrow" She said and was off. I wasn't far behind her.

We arrived in Molly's home minutes later and were welcomed by warm hugs. Hermione hugged me first bumping her baby bump against mine. Although hers was quite a bit smaller she was still obviously pregant. She then backed up and held Ron, her new husband's, around the waist. I then was greeted by Luna and Harry who were also holding the hands of there lovers. I started to feel like there was a pattern here. I was the only single guest at this party apart from my mother. I guess we were each others date. Teddy ran up to Luna and embraced her in a huge hug. He had always been very fond of the blond girl. Next he was reaching for Harry who had been his god-father. Harry snuggled the toddler then passed him around. Molly grabbed my arm and gently lead me to a chair where I could comfortably sit with my very heavy baby. I watched as everyone caught up with eachother. All the kids who had defeated the dark lord together had all become very sucessful and happy. I was especially happy for Harry, I knew he was going to propose to Ginny sometime. The amount of love he had for the girl was admirable. Suddenly my stomache really began to hurt. The baby was thrashing quite a lot. I could feel the magic growing inside of me. I got up and brought myself into Molly's washroom. I was in so much agony. It was never like this with Teddy. Suddenly I felt myself become wet between my legs. This baby was coming now. I sat on the cool tile floors and began screaming in pure agony.  
"Dora! Did you fall?" Neville was the first to my side.  
"The. Baby. Is. Coming." I huffed.  
"Oh dear, oh dear! Molly, Andromeda! Come quick." Neville ran away from me.  
"Neville, don't leave me." I ached deep in my womb.  
"Dora, what is it?" My mother bent next to me.  
"Baby." I yelled between contractions.  
"Ginny fill up the tub, only half way with warm water. Not too hot. Harry grab some towels. Ron, go get Hermione. Luna, watch Teddy." Molly started ordering everyone.  
"Her..hermione?" I breathed fast.  
"She's going to deliver this baby. She's been working at , she is your best hope." Molly held my hand.  
"Now?" My eyes grew wide. " .No. Molly, not now!" I cried.  
"It's going to have to be now." My mother said soothingly. "The babys coming."  
"Neville, you will have to help us get her into the tub." Molly turned to the boy hwo looked like he was about to pass out.  
"I..I can't" He backed away. Ron and Hermione pushed him forward.  
"Try delivering the child Neville, putting Dora in the tub is the easy part." Hermione scolded him.  
Neville tucked his hands under me and lifted me gently lacing me in the warm water of the tub. I was still wearing my robe and knickers but didn't want to expose myself with everyone around. My mother understood.

"Hermione, Luna, Molly and I will stay. Everyone else out." She demanded. Everyone gladly shuffled out of the washroom and closed the door.  
"Okay Dora, you have to push. This baby is coming fast." Hermione was measuring my stomache. I huffed.  
"Its okay sweet heart. You can do this!" My mother ran her fingers through my hair.  
"No momma, I can't. i'm alone. I can't do this." I cried and screamed al at once.  
"You have support Nymphadora, we will never leave you handing." Molly held my leg that was hanging over the side of the tub.  
"Everything just happened so fast." I cried, "This baby, happened so fast."  
"Dora, you need to push now! I can see the head." Hermione screeched. I pushed.  
"Her head is out Dora, she's beautiful!" Molly said with tears rolling down her cheeks.  
"She?" I said softly with the child still half in me.  
"There is no mistaking she's a girl, so pretty." Molly hovered over Hermione who pulled my child from inside me. Molly took the baby and washed it off while i delivered my placenta.  
Once my baby was washed Molly brought her over wrapped in a little white towel. She was still crying and it was music to my ears. Once she was in my arms she immediatly stopped crying. She had the most feminine little face with thick jet black hair. I felt so proud of myself for creating such a pretty little girl. I kissed my baby and then looked up at my mother and friends who were holding eachother and watching my first contact with my little girl.

"Do you have a name in mind?" My mother asked wiping a tear from her smiling face.  
"Clara." I whispered not taking my eyes of my girl.  
"Clara, welcome to the world." Hermione said kissing my cheek.  
The ladies got the bathroom cleaned up and I got dressed and Luna and Neville helped me to the couch. It was quite late so everyone had already eaten. I didn't feel hungry. My mom walked to me holding Clara and placed the sleeping baby on my lap. Teddy who was up way past his bed time ran to my side to get a look. He looked at her then up at me with a huge smile on his face. Right then and there I knew I was the luckiest woman alive. I passed Clara around to everyone and chatted some more. I felt exhausted. Molly had set up a bed for me upstairs because I shouldn't floo until tomorrow. She also pulled out Ginny's old bassonette that I placed Clara into. Teddy curled up next to me in bed and I held him close as we fell asleep.  
In the morning I woke up to the smell of scrambled eggs. I was sore but I rolled out of bed, picked up Clara and started to breast feed. Once done I decended the stairs and found little teddy eating eggs on Molly's lap.

"Sleep well?" Molly asked.  
"Yes, thank you so much Molly. Really I can't thank you enough." I walked over and kissed the womans cheek, then my sons.  
"I meant what I said Dora, I'll always be here when you need me." She picked up her tea cup and took a sip.  
"Is my mother still here?" I asked looking around. Andromeda was generally an early riser.  
"She went home to set up for Clara." SHe relied.  
"Okay, once your done breakfast Teddy we should bring Clara to grandma's." I said to the boy who had a mouth full of breakfast.  
"Mhmm." He nodded.  
Teddy finished eating and I said my good-byes to Molly and her family. I was so greatful for everything she had done for me. I recieved several hugs and I passed Clara around once more. I then threw powder into the floo and stepped inside waving good-bye to my friends. I held Clara and Teddy close. I wasn't alone.  
_

Chapter 12 10 years later...

I walked Teddy to The Hogsmede station holding Clara close. Tons of kids were getting off the Hogwarts express and Teddy would need to join them to take the boats over to the castle. Teddy was a wonderful kid, he was smart and had the sweetest personality. I was very proud of myself for raising a lovely human being. His hair was bright orange and I couldn't be happier. Next to me stood Remus, his wife Emilie and daughter Katarina who would be going to beaubatons next year close to by were they lived. Remus waved at Teddy with a huge smile on his face, then turned to look at me, we made eye contact and he shined a bright smile at me. I was so glad he was happy and we were on speaking terms. Behind me I heard small sniffles coming from my precious little girl. I kneeled down and pulled her close. Clara was absolutely gorgeous. She was a beautiful girl and loving little sister. She had thick long black hair and the biggest, bluest eyes I have ever seen. She looked like a little fairy.

"What's wrong princess?" I hugged my small daughter.  
"I don't want Teddy to leave." She burried her face into my shoulder.  
"Its alright Clara, Teddy will send us lots of letters. Marnie will make sure of it." I wiped the girls tears from her face.  
"Clara your always welcome to come play with Rosie and Hugo." Hermione came up behind us. Clara looked up at her friends.  
"Hi Rosie, hi hugo." She sniffled.  
"Hi Clara, would you like to come with us to the park? We are meeting James, Lily and Albus." Hugo smiled up at the 10 year old.  
"Is that alright mom?" Clara's blue eyes melted my heart.  
"Yeah sure sweety. Hermione and Ron will look after you. Mommy has to work." I kissed my little girls head and smiled at Hermione.  
"Thank-you so much for taking her." I hugged the woman.  
"Never a problem. My kids love her." Hermione watched as Rose and Clara ran through the crowd holding hands.

I was wearing my teaching robes. I was the first professor to break the curse of the Defense Against The Dark Arts. I had been teaching 10 long years and this was my last and final year. I have been offered a wonderful position by the aurors that is opening up and I was the first person on their minds to ask. I wouldn't ever turn down the job. I started heading towards the boats when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around to look into the face of Remus Lupin. He took me by surprise when he hugged me.

"I am so proud of our son right now. Thank-you for doing such a great job raising him." Remus smiled.  
"Oh, well..your welcome." I said shocked.  
"Katarina has been talking about wanting to go to school with her half-brother...We may enroll her to go to Hogwarts." Remus looked down at the sweet blonde girl.  
"I wanted her to be close to home but she has been relentless." Emilie piped in. I was wondering where they were getting to.  
"Kat had mentioned that she would like to know some of the other girls. Do you think we could possibly arrange a playdate with her and Clara?" Remus asked sheepishly.  
"Yeah I think Clara would love that." I smiled knowing that I no longer had any feelings for Remus at all. Our past was now behind us.  
"Great we will send you an owl." Remus said taking the blonde girls hand. "Come on Kitty Kat, lets go." The family left.  
I hopped on my broom and flew toward Hogwarts, I flew over top of where the boats sailed. I could see all the muggle born children gasping with delight. I found Teddy's orange hair and he waved up at me. I matched my hair to his and blew him a kiss. Once I landed at Hogwarts I found my seat at the teachers table and waited patiently for the sorting.

"Teddy is starting today, isn't he." Minerva asked me winking.  
"He is, I'm so nervous for him." I scrunched up my nose.  
"Which one is he?" Professor Binns asked.  
"You'll know him when you see him." I smiled. Everyone was always amazed by Teddy's Metamorphmagus ability.  
"How is your daughter doing?" This question came from Severus. It left my heart feeling like ice and all colour drained from my face. This was the first we spoke in the past 8 years. I still very much loved the man.  
"She's wonderful." I said looking into his deep black eyes.  
"I saw her for the first time today, at the station." Severus said. I thought I was going to throw up.  
"Oh, yeah?" I tried to act casual.  
"She looks like you." He said then completely turned away. I exhaled quickly not knowing I had been holding my breath. She very much didn't look like me in many ways. She looked more like Andromeda with Snapes hair.  
"Oh look! there he is!" Professor Flitwhick pointed at my little boy being led into the dining hall by Hagrid. His hair was now a pale blue and he was talking to a pretty first year old girl. Her name was Victoire Weasley, daughter of Fleur and Bill. Although Teddy had only met Victoire and Dominique twice the children really seemed to get along. Victoire looked so much like her mother, Her long blonde veela hair was folded delicatly into a bun on the top of her head and she wore a pink and grey fashion scarf around her long neck.  
Everyone hushed when Minerva stood to start the sorting. I watched as Teddy grew more and more nervous as the sorting was almost at him name. I was very nervous for him. Out of all the houses Teddy would be best fit for Hufflepuff or Griffindor. I started biting on my bottom lip as Minerva called, "Lupin, Edward." Teddy walked forward looking up at me with the colour drained from his face, I gave him an encouraging nod and he turned back around and sat upon the stool. Minerva lowered the hat on to my sons head and it began to assess him.

"Hmm, Teddy..You are an intelligent boy. Very kinda and loyal. Much like your mother you are. You are a Hufflepuff!" The hat howled.  
I almost jumped out of my seat with pride as I cheered my boy on. He had a huge smile on his face as he ran to the hufflepuff table to join his fellow Badgers. The sorting went on and Victoire got sorted into Ravenclaw. Although she was the only person Teddy had known he didn't seem too torn. I enjoyed my meal with the staff watching the buzzing of the great hall but I knew I had to go back home. I gave a little wave to Teddy who was happily eating his pudding and left the dining hall. Once I was in the enterance hall I went to the fire place and took the floo back home. I wobbled out of the fire place in my home and almost flopped my clumsy self on the floor. Hermione, Hugo were sitting on the couch and Clara and rose were sitting on the floor finishing there math. The girls were homeschooled together by Hermione who taught them the basics to prepare for there years at Hogwart.

"How was my little devil today?" I asked the woman with a sleepy boy resting against her side.  
"She was great, very smart she is." Hermione smied down at her little red headed girl and my Raven haired girl.  
"I'm glad to hear that." I said putting on a pot of tea.  
"Mommy, what house did Teddy get sorted to?" Clara looked up from her work.  
"Teddy is a Hufflepuff, just like I was." I said.  
"Good for him! What about Victoire?" Hermione chimed.  
"She is a Ravenclaw." I handed Hermione a cup of tea and then brought out a tray for the girls with tea and biscuits on it.  
"I knew she would be, i'm glad Bill convinced Fleur to let her go to Hogwarts, she was original enrolled at Beaubatons." Hermione took a sip of her tea.  
"How did he get past that one?" I asked snorting at the memory of the obnoxious Villa girl.  
"I'm not entirely positive, Ron think he must have used imperio." Hermione joked.  
"Has anyone ever used that curse on you mom?" Rose asked her mother.  
"No, Rosie and I pray nobody ever does. Some very bad lady used Crucio on me. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." Hermione's eyes grew dark with the memory. Hermione was very young for having two kids but she definetly had to grow up very fast.  
"What about the green light?" Clara asked. My chest began to tighten as I remembered the day Remus died. My world turned upside down.  
"Clara dear, that is Avada Kedavra. The killing curse, you will learn more about that at Hogwarts." I bent down to brush the hair from my daughters eyes.  
"Mom sometimes I have nightmeres about the green light." Clara spoke softly. This scared me.  
"Yeah? What about?" I sat on the floor next to her.  
"Sometimes I dream that I'm calling for my daddy and that I'm hiding inside a chest. Then I see a greenlight through the crack of the chest. That's all." SHe said snuggling into my side.  
"Clara, you don't know your daddy." I spoke softly into her hair.  
"I know that mom, its only a dream." She said smiling up at me. I glance at Hermione and her expression is worrisome.  
"Well Rosie, Hugo. We must get going." Hermione stood up lifting her sleeping boy.  
"Thank-you for babysitting." I said to the bushy haired girl.  
"Never a problem, you really do need to move closer to London." She said herding her children to the floo.  
"I'll see you tomorrow at tutoring Clara." Rosie waved to my girl before flooing home.  
I sat on the couch trying to decide how to bring up the conversation with Clara, I had never actually discussed her father with her. She asked when she was 4 why Teddy always saw his daddy weekends and she never did but it wasn't quite the same thing explaining it to a 4 year old who would forget about it once she got distracted by something more interesting.

"Hey Clara?" I decided we needed to talk about it.  
"Yeah mum?" I sat on the couch and the small girl who had just went to change into her night gown jumped over the back of the couch and snuggled next to me.  
"Have you though much about your father?" I asked her.  
"No, not really, unless i'm having those dreams." She yawned.  
"Did you maybe..want to meet your father, or know who he is?" I put my arm around my girl holding her close.  
"No. I don't want to know him. If he loved me, he'd be in my life. Like Remus, He loves Teddy even though you aren't married to him anymore." Clara didn't know that her father was actually unaware of her existance but I was okay with her answer. "That reminds me, Remus actually asked me today if you'd like to have a play date with his daughter Katarina? She's going to Hogwarts next year too."  
"Yeah, that sounds fun. I have met her a few times when Emilie and Remus come to get Teddy." The girl smiled. We always met up with Remus and Emilie in Diagon Alley because non-magical people weren't allowed in Hogsmeade. I didn't want to make Emilie feel unwelcome by asking Remus to pick up Teddy from my home alone.  
"That's right!" I sat up and grabbed a quill and parchment off of the coffee table and handed it to Clara.  
"What is this for?" She looked confused.  
"Why don't you write Katarina a letter arranging a day to play." I smirked at the young girls excited expression.  
"Okay! Can I write one to Teddy too?" She leaned over the coffee table and began scribbling her letter.  
"I think that would be a wonderful idea. Marnie can send it to him by breakfast." I started to clear away the old tea cups and finish with my evening chores. Once I was finished, Clara had already finished both of her letters.  
"All done love?" Clara was curled up on the couch.  
"Yes." Her eyes were heavy. I picked her up and carried her into her and Teddy's room. They had bunkbeds but because Teddy was now at Hogwarts the room seemed so bare with the empty lower bunk and the missing trunk. Teddy had left most of his drawings and toys behind and Clara had lined them all up neatly. I lifted her up and placed her in the top bunk where she wiggled until she found a comfy spot and fell asleep.

I took a moment to reflect as I slid into my own bed. Thing had changed so much and they didn't show signs of slowing. There are no garantee's in life, you have to find a way to be resourceful and make things work to the best of your ability. Ever year seemed to have spit something at me but it was my two beautiful children; Teddy and Clara, who kept my head held high through the worst. I loved my children so much and I loved there fathers. Although I had a rough go of things in the start my children were both concieved with love and care. I loved my family and I loved my life. One day I hoped to meet a man that would fill in the gap my heart had left but it wasn't necessary for my survival. I felt like I had made a good decision to focus that past ten years on raising my kids and I didn't do it alone. I was so thankful for Hermione who I developed a great friendship with. Luna and Neville who will not let me forget the day I gave birth to Clara in Mollys bathroom. Molly who supports me so much and always knew what I needed, even before i knew. And of course, my mother. I was so greatful that Andromeda didn't follow the trend of her sisters and led me to a life were i could make friends with the greatest of people, pureblood or not. I felt so warm as I lay in bed thinking about all the right I have done in my life. Finally I drift soundly to sleep.

Thanks for reading, I hope everyone enjoyed. Im in the middle of writing the following story. It's in the P.O.V. Of both Clara and Severus. It's called "Photograph."


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